Ceaseless

Prologue

"Hey, sleepyhead. You have to get up now. May practice pa tayo, diba?"

Kinusot ko ang mga mata ko at inangat ang kamay para suotin ang salamin ko. Nagulat ako sa lalaking nasa harapan ko. Ilang taon na rin ang lumipas. Hindi ako sanay na makita siya.

Huli na nang marealize ko na kagigising ko lang at wala pang hilamos. Tinakpan ko ang mukha ko tumalikod sa kaniya.

"Gising na ako. Pwede ka nang lumabas," sagot ko. Ito ang unang beses na nakita niya akong bagong gising. Hindi naman ako gano'n kaganda. Bilog ang mukha. May matangos na ilong, kilay na tila iginuhit, at mapungay na mga mata. Sabi ng mga tao ay ako ang pinakamaputi at pinakamaganda sa aming magkakapatid. Ako lang din ang may balingkinitang katawan. Habang ang taong nasa harap ko ay isang magandang lalaki. Ang panga na laging napapansin ng mga kababaihan, mga matang hindi madaling basahin, makapal na kilay, matangos na ilong, at magandang katawan. Kilala siya rito sa lugar namin dahil sa galing niya sa basketball at football. At hindi ko itatanggi ang paghanga ko sa kaniya.

"Okay, i'll wait for you outside," sabi niya bago siya lumabas ng kuwarto ko. Naligo ako at nagbihis. Pagkalabas ng kuwarto ay nakita ko siya at ang pamilya ko na naghihintay sa akin.

"Iya, eat first. Nabanggit sa amin ni Jyle na 4 o'clock ang practice niyo sa choir. 3:30 pm na," ani ng pangalawa kong ate. Lima kaming magkakapatid at lahat kami ay babae.

"Yeah. I forgot lang na Saturday ngayon. Nakatulog ako after natin kumain ng lunch," sabi ko at nag-peace sign sa kaniya. Umupo ako sa tabi ni Jyle at nagsimula nang kumain. Kinakausap siya ng pamilya ko habang ako ay tahimik lang na kumakain. Nang matapos kaming kumain, sumenyas ako kay Jyle na umalis na kami. Hindi na ako kumportable sa mga tanong na binabato nila lalo na ng nanay ko kaya gusto ko nang umalis.

"Aalis na kami Ma, Pa."
"Ingat kayo. Jyle, ingatan mo."
"Opo, tito. Bye po!"

Napairap ako at nauna nang lumabas ng bahay. I honestly don't understand why he's here. He can just text me para sabihin ang time ng practice, pero bakit pa siya pumunta sa bahay? I can feel him staring at me habang naglalakad. I refused to look back dahil baka malunod nanaman ako sa mga mata niya. Umiling ako at kinunot ang noo habang nakatingin sa dinaraanan namin.

"Is there any problem?" He asked.
"None. Bakit... nevermind." Baka namis-interpret ko lang ang pagpunta niya rito kaya kahit gusto kong tanungin ang pagpunta niya sa bahay, hinayaan ko na lang.

He suddenly stopped walking. I stared at him, with a questioning look in face. I really love his eyes.

"Why are you always so silent and distant with me? It's been years, Lucia." He said.
"I just don't know what to say to you. And yeah. It's been years." It has been 4 years but I still like him. "Let's go na, baka ma-late pa tayo," sabi ko.

4 years ago

"Hey. Can I talk to you? It's okay if you don't want. I just want to say something before I leave this school." It took a lot of  confidence for me to talk to him. I am so scared. I can feel my hands shaking while he's staring blankly at me. I'm not good with words pa naman. I hope the talk will go well.

"What is it? You're leaving? Are you going to transfer to another school?" He asked.
"Yes. I'll transfer. I'm not comfortable here. I don't like the people around me,"  i said. I stopped myself from saying the 'bullying' word because I know he'll get mad.
"Am I the first to know this?"
"No. I'll be leaving today. Everyone knows. Hindi mo pa pala alam. I just want to thank you. For always accompanying me. For taking care of me. We'll still see each other, I guess. I'm just overreacting. But, yeah. I like you. It's funny how I told myself I will not like you. But it just happened. I want to tell you that before I leave." There. I said it. I looked down at my feet and placed my hands at my back.

"Hey. What you just told me shocked me. I don't know what to say. I like you and I see you as my little sister. But I will visit you and be there at your graduation, okay?" He tousled my hair. Wow. So I was just a little sister all along. It's fine, I guess. So much for leaving this school. I'll miss him.

"Yeah. Thanks for that." I don't know what to reply. I liked him since I was nine and just confessed now that I'm 14.

"I'm sorry. We are still young, Lucia. I'm sure you just like me because I am always with you. I'm the only guy you talk you." He said. Well, siguro nga. I wish.

"You don't have to be sorry. I know you like someone else." I glanced at my watch. It's time. I have to leave now.
"I'll be leaving now. Take care!" I walked away as fast as I can, not even waiting for his goodbye. I hope I'll forget him.

It has been four years. I still like him. At hanggang ngayon ay tinatanong ko pa rin ang sarili ko kung bakit hindi ko siya nakalimutan.