I Quit

Chapter 1

Ivy-

Ugly, fat, stupid, slut, freak, orphan, worthless, bitch, and so many other words repeated in my head. Everyday I look in the mirror and say them to myself and each day I believe more and more that they are true.

I guess I should tell you a little bit about myself.

My name is Ivy, Ivy Pava. I live in NY. I have long dark brown hair and big dark brown eyes. I am 17 and I'm beginning my senior year of high school, or as I like to call it, hell.

I live with my uncle, Marc. My parents died around 2 months ago in a car accident. Since I really didn't have any other family I was forced to stay with my abusive uncle. He would hit me, say mean things to me, and anything else you can imagine.

On top of my parents being dead and forced to live with a downright sick uncle, I have no friends whatsoever, like I literally have ZERO friends! I really don't even talk to anyone.

Everyday in school I walk into the hall way, I know what those Juvenal kids will do, so I walk with my head down. It never really works though, because girls come up to me and poor there star bucks on me, take pictures of me and edit them and put some of the most awful things on them. Some of the more aggressive girls hit me and yank my hair, they do not throw me against the lockers or punch me, though, no that's the boys job. The boys will do basically anything to cause me physical pain. It makes me wince thinking about most of the things they do to me. I am the schools punching bag.

Occasionally some of the less cruel people will ask me how I am. I say I'm fine, but I'm not fine. I don't go into it because they won't understand.

Anyway that's basically my horrible life. Oh, there are actually a few more things I forgot. Okay so first I have been cutting since sophomore year. I was in such a bad place and still am so that's why I cut.

I cut to deal with a deeper pain I have locked up inside me.

I also have had bad depression since sophomore year. I honestly don't remember what I look like smiling because I haven't in so long.

One last thing, umm....we-well... I have tried to kill myself twice.

*FLASHBACK*

(Sitting in my pool) nobody will miss you if you are gone, just do it, do u really want to live a life unhappy. My parents won't be upset because they want me to be happy, therefore the only way that I will ever be happy again is to not be alive, it's simple.

I emerged my self into the water. I stayed under for about a minute when I started to feel dizzy and floated to the bottom.

It was a few hours later, and I woke up in my bed. I figured someone must have saved me from drowning, but I have no idea who. It wasn't my mom or dad because they are away on a business trip. All I know is whoever saved me I will hate them forever.
*END OF FLASHBACK*

To this day I still do not know who saved me from drowning in that pool, but honestly I don't want to know.

The other time I tried to commit suicide, well I basically tried to bleed to death.

I hated the fact that I did that. I hated myself. As more people found out even more people started making fun of me. They do not understand that people commit suicide, not to end there life, but to end the pain, and I had to much pain and I just wanted to end it all for good.

A/N I just wanted to let you all know I am not in anyway supporting self harm! It is a fictional story, but this thing happens to millions of people And im just trying to bring awareness to that In my story. Okay anyway I hope you guys like the story so far!!
-Sophia💜