A Suicide Note

Lexie could honestly say that she was dreading going to school that morning. And the morning before. And, well, pretty much every morning. She just didn’t see the point of subjecting herself to that torture. Although it hadn’t been too bad these past few years. Since she’d met Karen, back in first year. God, that seemed like a lifetime ago now. What she wouldn’t give to be back there… Maybe it wasn’t the happiest time of her life. But it sure wasn’t the saddest.

Wind whipped her hair around her face, and a leaf stuck to her school blazer. She clutched at her skirt, trying to keep it down. It would be so typical for her skirt to blow up just as the school buses went by. She really did have the most terrible luck. Something which was demonstrated once a car went rushing past, the wheels flying through a puddle, and splashing her with freezing cold water from a puddle. How she hated October. The freezing cold weather, the never-ending rain. Halloween, most of all, when students from her school would visit her house every year to throw anything and everything at it. In most cases, this would be dealt with by the parents. But what with the way Lexie’s parents acted, she’d be surprised if they even remembered they had a daughter. She was pretty sure that the last time her mother had talked to her had been some time last week. And as for her father, well, she hadn’t even seen him in a month.

A Gardaí car went speeding past Lexie, sirens wailing, lights flashing. An ambulance followed, several seconds behind. Lexie kept her eyes on the footpath, not batting an eyelid. It was probably another fire. There’d been a lot of those lately...

Her mind drifted to the previous night. She’d been alone in the house; as usual. She was always alone. Her mother didn’t return home from work until about ten o’clock at night. Lexie couldn’t quite remember what time her father finished work at.

Karen had called. She’d been tearful and worried, crying down the phone to Lexie that something was wrong, that she didn’t feel quite right. Lexie had calmed her down, whispering soothing words down the phone to her, even offering to run over right then and stay the night. Karen had stopped crying immediately and assured Lexie that she didn’t need to do that, that she’d be okay.

She hoped.

Lexie sighed as she reached the school gates. They were black and shiny, and sleek cars drove in and out of them. Staying close to the side of the road, Lexie walked through the gates quickly. The cars didn’t seem to be making any visible effort to not clip their side-mirrors off of her schoolbag.

Lexie walked briskly into the school, keeping her head down as she walked through the canteen. It was filled with the Eleanors, flirting shamelessly with fourth and fifth year boys.

The Eleanors were a group of girls who were typically pretty, typically popular. Karen and Lexie had named them so because, at the heart of their group, was a girl named Eleanor. She was the most horrific girl either of the two had ever come across. It was her day-to-day hobby to torture and tease Lexie and Karen, and her followers, of course, followed suit. It was all Karen could do not to punch each and every one of them the minute she saw them. Lexie, however, was shier, quieter, and she preferred to just keep her head down when she saw them. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t.

Luck was on her side that morning. They didn’t spot her.

Karen could have been one of the Eleanors. When she’d been spotted by them, in first year, it was quite obvious they liked what they saw. Karen was pretty. Funny. Sporty. Basically, all they wanted. But then Karen made the biggest mistake – in Lexie’s eyes – of her secondary school life, and befriended Lexie.

“What are you doing?!” Lexie had hissed when Karen had sat down opposite her at lunch. Karen just chewed her sandwich slowly, staring at Lexie.