Heterodox (BOOK 2)

Chapter 23

~Vesper~

Circe was wrong. Talon is nowhere in sight at the entrance.

Not by the rim of the parking lot.

Not by the sphinx statue.

Not even at the entrance.

I guess we misjudged how embarrassed he got. However, I can't help the feeling of abandonment he left behind as I nervously watch the doors I have to pass through. It would be easy to use a back entrance. SO much easier. I know Lance and Lorraine are already here since their cars are in the parking lot.  Which is simultaneously perfect and scary.

On one hand, I want to relish the stares I'll receive because of my hairdo. I want to smile rebelliously at Lance and Lorraine who may be stuck dumbstruck at how good I look. I want to silence them with my middle finger as I walk down the hall and openly ignore their insults and bullying. I want to conquer.

But on the other hand, I want to run. I want to pass through the back doors and canteen silently where no one can see me. I want to wait until the halls are emptied to get my art supplies and sneak into class unnoticed. Thing is, I know how I would feel if I did this. I know that while I am painting, I would be wondering if all I did was run away from a challenge like a chicken. I would wonder if I wasted the moment in life I would never get again.

Or if I do pass through the front entrance, I will wonder if I am seeking validation from others who I shouldn't care about. I'd wonder if I am putting the power in their hands to make me feel like I am worth something. And if I indeed do get insulted and embarrassed again, would I be strong enough to still lift my head as I walk to class? Or will I be flung deeply into shame and self-hatred like many other times?

Will I be the girl who is always afraid?

Somebody needed to shake me out of the cycle of overthinking I normally trapped myself in. And though it is a blessing in disguise, somebody eventually needed to push me. Literally.

"Move it," a  guy says, shoving me roughly through the doors so that he can pass.

It is effective. It gets me through and ceases the flurried thoughts of anxiety that were taking over my mind. It liberates me a bit, settling me into reality; the reality that I have passed through the front entrance and all I need to do is walk down the hall.

I make a mental checklist to at least have a feeling that I have a grasp on things. That I am in control.

#1. Walk down the hall as if you own it.

#2. Get your art supplies as if you are sent by the President himself

#3. If anyone starts to insult you, flip them the bird as if it is second nature and ignore.

Easier said than done, my brain sneers.

The hall is busy; students talking to their friends, laughing and grabbing books for their next class. A few pressing their homework against the lockers and scribbling copied answers furiously. A girl arguing with her boyfriend. Another pair in liplock like no tomorrow.

This isn't too bad. Half of me is hopeful that they'd all be too busy to notice me. And with the bell going to ring in about a few minutes, there just may be no time for any drama!

I take a deep breath, look ahead, and begin my stride. Walk down the hall as if I own it.

I'm only a few steps in when the hall starts to quiet. And even though my eyes are ahead, I can sense the stares scorching me. And simultaneously warming me. My confidence starts to rise above my anxiety and I feel a hint of a smile coming on.