bleeding tears

Break up

possible trigger-warning at the end

Beca's POV:

When I checked my phone I had a message from Chloe, I smiled but that changed when I read what was written in it.

Chloe❤️: I got fired.
         I'm sorry for everything.
         I wish you all the best.
        And I will keep praying for a transplant.
         You lit up my wolrd...
but you are not good for me.
         It's better if we go separate ways.      
I'm sorry. Stay strong.
sent 9:21pm

I panicked and immediately texted something back.

Me: Chloe, no. Please.
       Don't leave me alone.
sent 9:34pm

When I realized she had blocked me I couldn't hold back my tears.
I had fallen in love with this redhead. I needed her. I couldn't do it without her. She had made me strong.

Chloe's POV:

"CHLOE FUCKING BEALE", Arizona's voice echoed through the living room.

She has stood in front of my door when I was about to go to bed.

"IS IT TRUE?! IS IT TRUE WHAT I GOT TOLD?!", she wanted to know and accidentally threw the vase off the table.

I wasn't prepared. I had completely forgotten about my girlfriend.

"Listen...I didn't mean to", I began. "I DIDN'T MEAN TO DOESN'T COUNT. HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?!", she asked furiously, "I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU AND ME FOREVER. I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME."

I shut my eyes for a second before I answered her: "I do love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore. Yes, I know what I did was wrong and I'm apologizing."

Arizona didn't calm down at all. She kept yelling: "YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HONEST. YOU SHOULD HAVE ENDED THINGS WHEN YOU LOST FEELINGS. I KNEW ALL ALONG THAT THERE HAD BEEN SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU. AND CHEATING IS ONE THING BUT WITH A PATIENT, CHLOE, WITH A PATIENT?!"
Her anger turned into disappointment.

"I wasn't sure about my feelings and I didn't want to hurt you", I explained trying to take her hand, but she pulled away.

"This is the end", the blonde said, a little bit calmer now, "but I'm not done with you."
The last sentence sounded evil and left me confused.

I wanted to say something back but Arizona was already headed out of the door.

I sunk to the ground and covered my face with my hands before I started sobbing.
Everything I had built up was gone, within a few hours. I had lost everything that ever meant something to me. With watery eyes I collected the shards of the broken vase from the ground, when I accidentally cut my finger on one of the sharp edges.
"Damn it", I mumbled and watched a drop of blood falling onto the carpet.

It made me feel something I hadn't felt in years and the flashbacks of my teenage years hit me. They were running through my head and I couldn't move. It was like a trance.

When I was younger I had been suffering from severe depression and extreme anxiety.
I had struggled with self-harm and lived through several suicide attempts.
When I started med-school everything had gotten better and I had learned to truly live and enjoy life again.

Until now. Right now the pictures in my head were dragging me into a hole. I wanted to escape but I couldn't. I was trapped in my own mind. A flood of horrible thoughts overcame me. I had no control.

I was still holding a piece of the vase in my hand when the voices in my head forced me to place it on my wrist.

I fought. I tried everything in my power to resist this urge.

Finally and right in time I succeeded.

Slowly my trembling hand let go of the shard and it dropped to the floor.
Shocked and completely overwhelmed of what had just happened I took a few deep breaths.
I didn't want that. I didn't want to fall into old habbits...