Sleeping in Pain

Everybody has something they are terrified by. Spiders, heights, clowns, snakes, rats, etc. Mine was different. It was something everybody needed. Sleep.

I was absolutely terrifed of it. I've had nightmares every single day since my mother died 3 years ago. I was an only child and my mother was the only thing I had left. After she died, I had to move in with my father who lived 2 hours away. He's the worst. He comes home drunk every single day. He doesn't care on what I have to say or think. I can tell that he hates me. Thank goodness I turn 18 in a couple of months, and I can get away from here. I don't know where I'll go, all I know is anywhere is better then here.

My mother commited suicide 3 years ago. I don't undertand why.. We had a perfect life. I loved her, and she loved me. Why would she leave me like that? I remember the day I came home and found her laying there.

"I'm home!" I yelled closing the door.

No answer.

"That's strange, she's probably taking a nap." I thought to myself. I went in the kitchen to grab a glass of water. I ran upstairs and passed my moms room when at the corner of my eye saw somebody laying on the floor. I stopped and slowly backed up. I turned. I dropped my glass of water, that sent shatters of glass all over the floor. There, on the floor lay my mother with a knife in her hand. I ran towards her crying, and screaming. I quickly ran back down stairs and dialed 911.

When the police and ambulance arrived, I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe. They picked her fragile body up, put it on a gurney, and covered her. The police then started asking me questions. I tried to answer, but my voice was shaky and too weak.

"We found a suicide note," the police man said. I looked at it. It was folded. I grabbed it. My hand shaking.

That day changed my whole life. I still have the note my mother left me. I haven't read it. I haven't even opened it. I look at it every day and know that in that paper my mom left the answers on why she did what she did. The answers I wanted to know, but I don't have the strength to find out.

Every single day I've had nightmare after nightmare. In every single nightmare I have is this ghost. It tortures me in my nightmares. Not physically but mentally. I'm afraid to go to sleep because I know it's waiting for me.

I'm Katrina, and my life has become a nightmare. Help.