The Girl

Chapter 1

I have lived in the shadow of people for as along as I can remember. No one noticed if they bumped into me, it was like I was invisible. Then I met Josh Thompson. "Hey" he said so casually. I thought he must be talking to some one else. Then he said, "Olivia, isn't it?". That was the day I felt something different than sadness or anger. I almost felt happy. Having that feeling made me feel like I was flouting on a cloud high in the sky without being afraid of falling. Slowly, things got more serious and I got butterflies in my stomach every time he said my name. Then, my cloud started to come crashing down in a spiral of events. He told me he had a girlfriend. You could feel my heart fall to my stomach. My knees start to tremble and just like that my world fell apart. The worst thing is that I still get butterflies when he says my name. I miss him like I've never missed anyone before. The awkward silence kills me. How can you be so happy? The questions cloud up my brain. Do you miss me? I guess I'll never know. I need to be able to feel like I can live again, but I can tell that feeling I long for might not return soon. I have never felt this way before. I am left breathless. I need him more than he will ever know. The crazy thing is that for a second thought I loved him. I miss the old him. I miss him like crazy, but I know I'll never be able to come back to him. The thought of it makes me cry and when I cry I wish he was there to comfort me. I wish he would come save me from this crazy thing called life and let me drift into a day dream in his arms. Then I remind myself of all the reasons it can't happen. I want him to come burst through the door and tell me that he has always cared for me and that he will never let me go. Life isn't a fairy tale and quite honestly I'm lost without him. People tell me just to let go, but I can't. Josh knows that and so does everyone else. I miss the way things used to be, but now I can never go back. "Just get over him!" So many people have said it. Don't you understand that I've tried! I'd love to just move on with my life, but I can't seem to let you go. There's plenty of other fish in the sea, but in this sea I think I'm drowning. Your brown eyes look at me from across the room and for you your just simply looking. For me I feel the whole world crashing down and me just hoping that one day we will both be truly be happy with the people we're with. You don't have to be with me; all I'm asking is that you be with someone who will love you no matter what. My heart is beating out of my chest thinking about the way you will glance at me, but I can't fall for you again. I need to let you go. You got what you wanted, Josh. Can you do me a favor and just not look at me or talk to me? Do you know how hard that is for me? To watch you laugh with her and then you look at me with sad eyes. Just when I think that I'm finally over you; you creep into my mind and completely take over. Why was I not good enough for you? Well now I realize that I was good enough you just didn't see it. This whole thing was never my fault and to be quite honest it wasn't really his either. We were caught up in the moment and I guess you snapped out of it before I did. You had me fooled. I never would've know it would end this way. I knew I was acting weird about this whole thing for a long time, but when no one else notices me and suddenly he does that messes with your mind and more importantly your heart. It doesn't stop there it burns your whole body and it never quits. Until now... Now the pain runs out trying to build back the broken down parts back up. I still feel it sometimes like when he looks at me or he says my name it reminds me that what has been done has been done. Sometimes, I can be found daydreaming about him then I remember that I don't need him. No one needs anyone to be happy, and I think I lost sight of that for a while. I've grown from all of this in nothing but the best way. You have to learn to be truly happy with yourself before anyone can be truly happy with you. The world did seem as if it was crashing down, but the cracks of the Earth are coming back together and even stronger. I guess I do have to come to realize that there are always going to be cracks there. Not all of them will come back together, but most of them will. Sometimes I still have to force a smile around him, or I have to pretend that I would take him back in a heartbeat if I had the chance. I'd like to think that I wouldn't ever even think about taking him back, but deep down I know a part of me will always want him. It's just something I have to accept. Looking back if I knew what I do now I probably would've still fallen for him. You know when you look at someone and you wonder how they could be so perfect. Then you think about how happy you could be with someone like that; that is exactly what I felt. It's like you stabbed me in the back and I'm the one that said sorry. I still don't regret falling for you. I know that might sound crazy, but I honestly wouldn't go back and change a thing.