The Suicide Note

Chapter 1: The Meeting

I'm sorry, 

Mom, Dad, family, friends, my girlfriend. If you're reading this, it obviously means I'm dead. I can't continue living anymore. Why bother? Life is hell, getting up, living through the day. I'm sorry, but don't feel like you weren't enough, don't blame yourself, and, I know I'm being a hypocrite for saying this, but don't kill yourself. Don't make the same mistake I did. I know you can find a better way to live, I've seen it. That's why I've decided it's ok to kill myself. I knew that you could cope, I knew you are stronger than I am, please move on from my death eventually. Also, if you can, I would like this letter to be posted somewhere for the public to read, I hope it will. I have something to say to everyone: life is unexpected, don't follow my example, live, I don't know if it gets better, but you have the chance, please. I know it doesn't sound credible from someone that just committed suicide, but please know, it was no one's fault but my own, I was weak, I was tired, and I was down right exhausted. So, please, live, for me, for yourself, for your friends, family, and other loved ones.

Always,

J.C.

For some reason, after reading the letter in the school article, I just couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my face, I barely even knew the guy, and here I am, crying over his letter? What the hell? Maybe I'm just too emotionally raw from my cat dying, yes, I know it's stupid, but that cat has been with me for years, and it was old, but it was with me when my dad was an ass, when my parents got divorced, when I had my first break up, everything. And now, he's gone, as if he was never here. I'm sort of lost without him, because he was the only one I told everything to. My friends, though I love them to pieces, would only treat me differently, and my parents are too caught up in their own lives to get dragged into my emotional crap. So, you could say I'm kind of lost. I don't write in diaries because that crap is stupid, I mean anyone could read it and know who wrote it based off of their handwriting, even if posted only a skilled person could probably track down the IP address, but I know, who would really want to track down the diary of an insignificant 15 year old girl? But hey, better safe than sorry.

So, here I am, in the school hallway, at 7 a.m. on a Monday, bawling my eyes out over a random person's death that I don't even know, with classes in 15 minutes. Now obviously, I'm in a secluded area because no self respecting teenage high school girl would bawl their eyes out in public, but I sort of wish some one was there for me. Right now I feel too down to go to class, so like any girl with a 4.0 GPA, I went to my first period of the day. Which, luckily, was my strongest and most easiest subject with most of my friend in it, Algebra. I'm soo glad that most of my friend aren't idiots, or else I would get really aggravated and force them to learn math. But, once we were in class, we finished the work within 10 minutes, which left us 45 minutes to, basically, do whatever we want, and right now, we all decided to gossip about the suicide letter in the newspaper.

"Have you heard about the newspaper thing?," one of my closest friends, Maya, asked.

"Yeah, I feel so bad for his girlfriend, but I don't know what to do.," my second closest friend, Aubree, responded.

At this point I feel like I should join in, because they seemed like they were sort of ignoring me, but I changed my mind when they started on a different topic and decided to talk about hair and make-up which was basically a foreign language for me, so I kept quiet.

As they conversed, I thought about this morning, why did I have such a strong reaction to a stranger? I know, I'm a little more emotionally raw than usual, but this seems......different. It seemed like it affected me on a more personal level instead of a I-feel-so-sorry-for-this-person/people sadness. I mean, I feel like J.C. was someone close to me, but as far as I know, I don't recall being close with anyone named J.C., or even have the same initials....did I?

Just as I was starting to feel unwanted tears about to fall, the bell rang, and knocked me out of my weird state of mind. I blinked, and decided to pack up, feeling uneasy and shaky, but decided to try to stop thinking about the newspaper, but then I realized, my friends, that always waited for me, even if the might end up late for class, decided to go along without me. I was shocked, to say the least, but when that wore off I was extremely hurt. First, they have a conversation without me, then, they leave me without waiting for me, which was way out of character for them. What the hell is going on? I thought. Maybe, it's just a weird day for them as well, and the newspaper article threw them off like it did me, I reasoned. Yeah, that must be it. I decided to talk to them about it as soon as I could, which, unfortunately for me, was during lunch because I had honors classes instead of standard. Damn my intelligence, I thought, but I really couldn't do anything about it.

Time skip

When lunch came around I was too nervous to try and get something to eat so, I just decided to wait for my friends, but when I walked up to them, they didn't even acknowledge me. Now I'm hurt. Did I do something to piss them off?, I wondered, but I couldn't think of anything. I was too humiliated to be angry at them, I decided to just go somewhere to think for the moment. And that's when I bumped into him.....