Broken Things

Chapter 3 things in life just aren't fair

Sarah's POV

As i start to drive i realize that i don't know where im going and i start to wonder what am i doing. Why did i save him, i could have made him happy by just leaving him alone and maybe seeing him have the guts to jump and relinquish his fears maybe i would to mabe one day i would be able to make that leap and take that jump. I just wished i had the courage that he did, but i don't need that courage because i have Chris and he makes things bearable and most times makes me want to keep going and live. I love Chris and i thin thats exactly where im going to go, im going to visit my sweet loyal and faithful boyfriend and tell him how much i love him. That guy lost hope but i won't because chris is my light at the end of the tunnel and i want him to know exactly what he means to me. When i tell him i love him im also when i reaveal to him about my sadness because its not depression if i can still smile at the good things in life.

45 minutes passed because her boyfriend lives far

I quickly get out the car after i make sure my doors are locked trhen i raced to Chris's front door. Since i have a spare key i don't even knock knowing that his parents are away on a buisness trip. I race up the stairs to see him menatlly prepping myself to see him and to say the words the words he uttered so many times but i have never even let attempt to slip past my lips. 

Then i stop when i reach the front of the door and i hear his music bl;asting his favorite song, it was our song, the song that pplayed when we first met, the song that played on our first date, and the song when he first told me he loved  me.

I slowly turn the knob of the door  and when i finally pull it wide open i look up and i see, i see what was right in front of me, i saw what i should have seen all along. I saw his supposed lesbian friens riding on his weiner. I just stood there shocked humiliated and most of all hurt. I guess he must of heard my sniffles miraculously over their loud moaning and groaning that he lifted his head up and looked at me. his eyes set straight into my eyes.

My heart was practically done for when he didn't tell her to stop he kept going for a few minutes. I turned around and walked away, he had obviously made his choice, he did this purposefully so he so clearly doesn't regret his decision so i shall walk out the house of the man that i still loved but once knew with my head held high and dignity intact.

It was the i heard his thundering footsteps running after me but he is almost to late im already in my car starting up my car to head home. He jumps in front of the car and i have the strongest temptation to run him over but i don't i just turn off the car then he makes his way to my seat and teaps the window with one solid tap, it reminds me of how with one act he shattered my heart but i ignored that feeling by winding down my window to see what more he wants from my life.

He looks at me and for a moment just stares into my face looking at my tear soaken face. Then i bodly ask him 

"yes"

he replies

"im sorry"

" are you really or are you just saying it for my sake" i whispered

" a little bit of both" he says softly

" why did you drag us along? Why would you lie? why didn't you just leave me? do you even love me? Do you love her?" i question

"no i didn't love you i have always loved her and without you she would have never glanced my way, i was so stuck in the friendzone she said i was like her brother. I used you8 and as much as i don't want to say it but i don't regret what i did i loved her, so wouldn't you do the same for the  on you love?'

I guess thats what seperates me from you CXhris because i would never do to a person what you have done to me, i haven't said i loved yopu back because i didn't feel like you trly meant it but regardless i came here today to tell you i love you and to tell you that im suicidal but i guess i've wasted my breath, i mean nothing to you"

"im sorry"

" i hope you two are happy because you two really deserve each  other , two backstabbing liars what a match made in heaven."

" btw i can wipe my ass with that sorry of your's because it is and never will be good enouygh for what you've done"

with my words i drive off not giving a flying fuck if i ran over his shoes because of the anger consuming me right now caused me to turn into a vile person. And as i make my way to the front of my bedroom door i realized i just told Chris my biggest secret ehich means by tomorrow morning everyone is going to know im a suicidal freak who was cheated on by chris the icest guy in school.

Jumping on to my bed i  gaze out my window wondering what i did to deserve this. i lay unmoving knowing once again im not going to have a lick of sleeeep because of my insomnia.  I hope that one day maybe i will be loved the way i love others, maybe one day i can finally matter to someone rather than be a pawn to there scheme.