Written on November 2019
Memories.
I remembered it all.
I remember every details of the pain you inflicted through my heart. Through my soul. Those days you told me to set you free for always making me cry hard. The moment you kept on telling me that you will never ever love another girl more than you love me. That you will only love me.
Only me.
I still remember everything.
I remember our first kiss under an open dark night sky. It was one night of June when you ask me if you could kiss me. And you did it slowly.
I remember how you hastily bought me a ring on our second monthsary. I remember the fast pace of my heartbeat. I remehmber how it fell so hard. I remember how you wrote me long love letters. I remember how my heart leaped for every sweet words inked on that scented paper. It was magical.
I remember how you travel so far, so late just to see me. Your kiss on my forehead felt so enchanting that I will never trade for any things the world could offer. I remember how you held my hand and squeezed it in the middle of the crowd. Your hand perfectly fits mine like its made just for me. I remember your stares amidst my mouthful bite on a hamburger saying the words 'I Love You'. I kept on asking God what do I have to deserve you?
I remember my every sundays with you in the church. I remember how you held my hand so tight. I remember how you told me your prayers. You prayed for me not to leave you. I remember your exciting face every 'Peace be with you' moments. You're too giddy for my kiss to your cheeks. And then you kiss me too overhead my nose. It was always the best. Showing your love to me in front of the Lord.
I remember.
I remember the day you first gave me a flower. It wasn't a bouquet. It wasn't grand. It wasn't expensive. I remember it clearly. One gloomy day outside the Cathedral Church. You gave me one white rose. A white rose. You told me how you beg one of the bridesmaids on a wedding ceremony to give you even one stem of rose on her bunch of roses while waiting for me. There goes my heartbeats again. And I remember how one rose symbolizes one world for a person. It means I'm your world. You always surprised me in the most unexpected way. I remember how I fell hard again.
Over and over again.
I remember your embrace. I remember how I smelled your tee-shirt when you squeezed my body closely. I remember how I told myself 'This is home'.
I remember how I lost count of how many times you asked me to marry you. And I remember how I laughed for your words. I remember how you purposely made me hear you saying that your fingers felt so empty without a ring. So I bought you one. The same ring you gave me. I remember the happiness lingered on your face when I finally handed you the ring. It was priceless. It made me so proud of myself.
I remember our first anniversary. I remember the abnormal beating of my heart when I saw the small box you made. I can barely breathe. I remember how it fits not on my ring finger but on my right middle finger. You said you want to marry me. You want to build a family with me. But time, is not ready. I was not ready. We have just graduated from college two months ago that time. But we made a promise. A promise to get married after five years. The same date on May, but different year. You want a white rose bouquet. I remember the butterflies on my stomach because of the wonderful feeling you kept on giving me.
I remember every fights with you. I remember how your tears fell for my silence. I remember coming back to you for your sorry's even if I'm the one started the fight. I remember how afraid you are asking me not to ever leave you because you said you can't bear the pain. I remember saying 'That will never happen.'
