here i am again struggling to find myself i wish i could just let the whole world inside my head so they could see what i think and what i have been thru but unfortunately i can't do that i have to die with these thought it 2020 in 2018 my dad died in a car accident in haiti and for some reason i blame my self i always think maybe if i had beg him to stay he would maybe if i took his ticket and burned it he would stay because i was just getting to know him more the worst pain is that when he left that morning i was asleep and did not get to say goodbye if only i had know that was the last time i would see him well and alive. my older sister got a called that said my dad was in a accident and trust me i was scared but i know my dad was the strongest man i have ever meet we prayed but was still scared on we called my dad and he sounded like he was on drugs he was stuttering and his words was not coming out right and it was finally my turn to talk to him and i remember i said to him " dad you better come home you have to come home you hear me come home" and he said uhhh yeah and he said to to us that his at work he will be coming soon and we all look at each other and was shock my older sister signaled us to go along with it and we did as my siblings was talking i step back and a tear came out because i knew i lost my dad at that very moment but i did not want to say anything because for once in my whole life i handed everything to god and for once i gave myself to god and only him and the rest of the day was a blur the next morning we all wake up and was getting ready for school we was so drain and tired cause we did not sleep at all and my older sister got a call to be honest i don't remember how we found out my dad died maybe someone told us over the phone are maybe my aunt told us but i remember feeling like i was about to choke and my legs be came weak and my whole life past in front of my eyes and i swear to god i would want to go instead of him day of funeral
maybe me and my siblings was looking for some type of happiness we tried to laugh during the car ride and we try to crack jokes but it still did not change the fact that we all was in a car that was headed to my dad funeral when we step out of the car i could see the pity on people face as they look at us like our life was over we enter the place and i saw a sculpture of god and i ran towards him and got on my knees and beg and beg and beg over and over again please save my dad please save my dad !! and in that moment i don't care if my dad was a zombie and he had just waken up i would still be happy i beg god until my brother came and pick me up as i was walking in to the building i saw my dad laying there lifeless and i was so surprise because my dad never looked so weak in my life i he look so different my legs started to shake and the tears could not stop coming and i scream out loud for
