Chasing After A Dream

Dedicated to Sean- A friend and, for some reason, my editor.

The days blurred together, suffocating me.

The rhythmic clatter of the wheels against the train tracks became a familiar song that faded into the background. If it weren't for the patters of the light morning rain against the grimy windows that blurred the outside, I wouldn't have known it was raining as the sun hadn't even risen above the mountains. The car was silent with its passengers, many of which had fallen asleep, using the little time this commute had to offer them.

I was tired as well, but not the sort that desired sleep but rather a release. Perhaps it was the months-long project I have been working on. But given its lack of difficulty, it may have not been the project itself. Having given my company a number of my years, too many than I would like to admit, it felt like I had nothing left to offer and yet I still had the rest of my life ahead of me. It was an ordinary company, an ordinary job, and an ordinary commute. With an hour-long commute to an office job where I worked from eight to four every day in a position I am neither great or bad at but will neither rise and fall from it as well. It felt like I was trapped, but not against my will- I have any chance to leave but I choose not to. It was a job not enough to quit to search for something else, something more, but enough to drain a part of me every single day. It was a life that made the days blur together, suffocating me.

Letting out a sigh, a wisp of the physical form of my own exhaustion appeared in the cold air of the train car. I looked out the window as I watched the scattering of suburban homes slowly morphed into apartment complexes as the train moved further into the city. Perhaps I can spare myself a few minutes and close my eyes, although I knew it would have done nothing for me.

The train began to slow to a stop at one of the stations. Through the static, the automatic message announced our arrival at the station marking the halfway point of my commute. The train car doors groaned open and cooler air rushed into the car. My arms crossed, I pulled them closer to my chest to fight against it, irritated that this is what met me just when I decided to close my eyes to rest.

I blankly stared at the window's view of the bleak skyline that I knew not even the first light of morning can improve. My eyes shifted and I found myself staring at my own reflection- empty eyes gazing back. As the new day broke through the gloomy horizon, I reflexively turned my eyes away as the bright light managed to pierce through the grimy window.

Looking back up, the window displayed a view greater than I would have imagined it could possibly carry. I turned around so I could see it for myself clearly without the window's reflection to mask this true sight.

The sun's rays rose to bless you in a spotlight to welcome you into this humble train car. It was as if heaven itself believed you deserved morning's first kiss. You were radiant in the dawn's glow. I felt like you were a walking dream. It felt like that if I dared to blink, you would vanish before me.

Your long flowing locks of hair shone in the light with curls spilled over your shoulders and tucked hastily in your red scarf. The thermos carrying your coffee of two sugars and three creams had the lid marked with your cherry blossom lipstick. You found an empty seat across the car from me, chatting with a friend on your phone between sips of your coffee. The conversation seemed to be a pep talk from your friend if you did not have to constantly reassure them everything was fine as you began the first day of your commute to your new job. With a laugh that soothes the ears, you assured your friend that your signature coffee along with your favorite lipstick will be enough to push you through your first day.

I felt a pang of nostalgia as I remembered when I first began my job- the nervousness and excitement that I was going to be doing something that I enjoyed and will help people in my effort. I hope that you will thrive in your job and that they will treat you well, although I knew there was no need to worry. You were elegant, charming, caring, confident, and sincere- with a smile that can brighten one's day and be loved by everyone that you meet.