I was sold to One Direction

D'amelio? More like D'amel-mango

The boys and I stood at the edge of the ocean in a line, me being quirkely shorter and cuter then all of the boys. We faintly heard music booming from life-size replica of the large 18th century 'Gotheborg' galleon from the Swedish East India Company.

Even though I was dirt-poor and had to sell my hair to the United Kingdom army in order to make rope, I still had a phone and spent lots of my time on Tik-Tok. I recognized this music, my former best friend played it at her mom's wake. Lottery, better known as Renegade, by K-Camp.

I recognized them, The Hype House was here. As the boat came to shore each of the Hype House members got off and stood in front of us, wearing their 80% cotton, 20% polyester, 100% cotton facing hoodies. Complete with custom woven hype house neck label. Pre-washed and pre-shrunk for soft touch feel. Featuring 90s inspired design. Although, only 8 of the members were born in the 90s and the earliest was 1997 so they never actually got to experience 90s style... and the only one with 'hype' is Charley...

They all got off and stood in a line, parallel to us: Lil Huddie (melanin king), Carly d'Amelio, Dixy-cup D'amelio, Addissen Rae-Cyrus, Avani Jogia (the one that played Beck on Victorious), Jennifer's Lopez's twin sons Toeny and Andrea, Knick Austin, Laerray (the one that's different because they already have people who are good looking and can dance), Clover Anonymous, Tomaz Petrou, Alex Warren (or david dobrik i can't tell), Rieland Storms, JaimesRight (descendant of the Wright brothers) along with his brother Gack, Hooters Hurley, Patricke Houston, Calvin but not klein because he's not good enough, Conner Yeet, WHY-att is this man in the hype house I've never heard of him.

Even though I made 32 tiktoks per day in front of my window while watching my mother interact with her juul dealers I've never seen some of these people before. Before the boys and I could open our mouths, Mr. Hudders stepped forwards and said

"I'm gonna drop this down straight, either you guys stop stepping on our mango smuggling business, or we can go live and have a dance off. And don't forget, I have the blue checkmark AND I've had over 2000+ practice tiktoks in our hype house bathroom."

I look over and make eye contact with Heariy. He looks unsure of the proposition, but deep down I know that he gained courage from fleeing the imposing German forces in Dunkirk beach during the Second World War. I give him a nod, slow and deep, but not deep enough to reveal the double chin that I don't have because the fat on my body doesn't work that way.

"You're on!" I exclaim. The 1D boys are cracking their knuckles, ready to pull out many of their dance routines that won them nearly 200 awards. Including seven Brit awards, four MTV Video Music awards, six Billboard Music awards, seven American Music awards, and 28 Teen Choice awards. We get into a V formation, much like geese flying towards their Southern homes to escape the cold Northern winters. But before we can begin...

"Wait a minute, mango smuggling business?" I ask. Lil Houston mentioned my 'business' earlier, but although I was deeply involved in trading formaldehyde fetal pigs to primary schools through the dark web I had never once delved into the mango business.

"You're part of ISIS now aren't you? ISIS has three main pillars: creating an Islamic state called a caliphate across Iraq, Syria, and beyond, implementing Sharia Law, rooted in eighth-century Islam, to establish a society that mirrors the region's past, and finally to distribute mangoes to those with limited access to them and letting them evade the taxes on the importation of fresh fruit" said Toe-mas. Up until now he is the only other one that talked, although he looked like a 30 year old construction worker and former heroin addict, his knowledge was valuable.

"I only manage the Twitter account. I had no idea about the other business ventures they pursued, but you guys should be happy for them! They're becoming entrepreneurs and doing good things for their communities." I snapped back, angry that The Hype House would try and defame such a charitable organization like ISIS. "I refuse to stop the mango business that my father started..." my voice started to trail off. The vision of the skinny white boys standing in front of me became blurry, the light radiating from the sun seemed to burn my eyes. I became dizzy, and not because I have a quirky iron deficiency. The pungent odour of mango juul pods came over me and everything went black.