My daily Struggle. I'm Autistic, in a Multicultural school, and yet I am the one who is targeted for everything. I'm not being racist; I'm just pointing something out. My class doesn't care what colour you are. I'm the same colour as most of the kids in my school. I speak the same language. I read the same books. Do the same subjects. So why target me? I'm different. I'm 'strange'. I think differently to everyone else. I write differently. I speak differently. I act differently. They target me because I'm not them. I'm me. Always have been; always will be. Not much will change that. And that's all they need. All they need to make my life hell. All they need to make me act like someone I'm not. All. They. Need. They don't care who I am. Who I was. All they care about is what they can do to make me burn. what they can do to make me hurt. What they can do to make me die inside. They think they can push me around; make me something they can kick to the curb and leave to die. They want to make me something they can toy with, then throw away. I try not to show how much it hurts. Try not to show how much it makes my blood boil. How much they make me want to burn. To curl up in a hole and die because I'm 'not good enough'. 'Not pretty enough'. 'Not smart enough'. 'Not strong enough'. Because I'm 'weak'. Because I'm 'Stupid'. I don't let it show, but it kills me. I don't let them see how much their words make me want to throttle them and attack them until they don't get back up again. Don't let them see what they're doing to me. To my mind. My body. My soul. I don't let them see how much it hurts. I'm not sure what hurts more. Not showing how much I'm hurting; or what happens when my facade slips. What happens when my friends -- when my family -- see what they're doing to me. I don't know what hurts more, but I think that hurts the most.
