Hero
I get at home totally frustrated and lost in my thoughts that I didn't even notice how loud I slammed the door. Catarina immediately runs to me with a worried look on her face. "What's going on??" she asks and I gave her a small, but not so honest smile. I don't know what is happening now, I would always smile around Catarina with a real and honest smile no matter what and I am just not. It's not because of her tho, she is still my biggest light in the dark, but I am thinking and overthinking, but I guess the possibility of letting go of her for some time stops me from smiling. "Nothing babe, I just had some frustrating time at the work" I cup her cheeks and press a soft kiss on my forehead.
She pouts and looks up too me. "Why frustrating?" she asks and I sigh. I feel like I just let out the huge storm with a lots of rains and thunders out of myself even tho I already sighed millions of times on my way to home. "My filming in London is done so we'll have to go back to Atlanta" I say and Catarina looks at me with a surprised look on her face. "Oh, for how long?" she asks and I run my fingers through my messy hair. The feeling of the musty hair gel on my hair after a long day is honestly the worst feeling ever. "It would be a month I think, but I told Anna that if we don't do it on summer when you can come too that I'll quit" Catarina opens her mouth and eyes widely in shock. "Quit?? Hero? Are you insane?? You can't quit!! You are literally born for that role, it's a huge project, everyone would hate on you!!" she says with an unbelievably huge amount of shock and worry in her voice and I sigh again.
"I know, but you are the most important thing for me okay? We saw what Melanie did to you only by her appearance there, there is no way I am leaving you at college alone with her and Chad. Everything will be fine, I promise" I stroke her cheekbone with my thumb and she bites her lip and furrows her eyebrows the same why like always when she is thinking.
"What if I don't go to college for that time?" she says a bit quieter than her usual tone and I know that she also knows she skipped way too much and that she can't do it again, otherwise she'll get expelled. I shake my head and keep stroking her cheeks trying to calm her down, but myself also. Feeling her soft skin in any way makes me relax more than anything.
"You can't skip and you know it" I say and now she is the one to let out a quiet sigh along with one tiny tear. "Hero, I, I really don't know what to do right now, but if you give up of your job, I am breaking up with you" she says and my heart rips. Is she serious? No she can't be serious. She won't break up with me.
I let go off her and look at her surprised. "You are not for real right now" she nods her head and cleans her tears. "Yes, yes I am, just for once let me handle everything, forget about stupid Chad, I handled all his shit and all he did to me for two fucking years, I can handle this too, dammit!" she seems like she is exploding, she is letting all her emotions out and I just keep quiet letting her to continue because I know sometimes that really helps.
"I had him beating me up, he made bruises on my body, I still have them, but after all that I survived!! I survived everything he did and everything Melanie did so stop fucking acting like I am the weakest person ever and if you are not with me only because of the pity then show me you love me and go to Atlanta, film the movie, do the tour and let me be the strong one in this relationship too for once!" she yells letting out oceans of seas of tears and I just start there shocked. I never saw her like this and I don't know what caused her to be like that, but I don't know if I want to find out.
"I am just trying to protect you!! All this time I was trying to protect you from everything that can be bad for you because I love you! I love you the freaking most!" "If you really loved me you would go, you would just leave for the work and let me prove you that I am strong!!" now we are both yelling and I am hating this situation so much. Catarina is the most precious thing for me and I want to keep keep her safe as much as I can.
She breaths out and closes her eyes. "Do you think I am weak? Do you think something would happen to me if you leave?" she asks and I just keep quiet taking some seconds to think about everything. I don't think she is weak, I think she is the strongest woman ever, but in an another way. Maybe she can't beat Melanie or Chad up and that's why they almost always win, but she is a warrior, she survived everything in her life and she is a fighter, she fights and that's why she is strong. In the other hand, I think a lots of stuff can happen to her and maybe she wouldn't be able to protect herself and that's why I won't leave her alone.
All of that is running through my mind, but I just keep quiet again and don't tell her anything because a huge part of me is still stubborn with a huge ego. I am lost in my thoughts until Catarina finally speaks. "Alright, think I am the weakest and the most incapable person ever, I am not dominant like all your sluts so I'll just leave until you claim to love me even more when you are actually with me just because of the fucking pity" she turns around, runs to our room and slams the door before I could even proceed what she said or grab her hand.
