Sex and the Squirting Dwarf

Chapter 8

One day I happened to bump into Steve, a musician friend of mine whom I haven't seen for a while. He was dating a Greek waitress named Jenny and eager to share some juicy details concerning his sexual life. The girl had a unique plumbing system. Her pussy exploded like a champagne bottle every time he fucked her. He complained that her squirting habit was ruining his sex life. He was getting tired of having to clean up everything afterwards. He compared his bedroom to a disaster area struck by a tsunami.

One of his main complaints was that the waitress never did anything to help him. After turning off the spraying hose, she would lie back on the sofa watching videos and chain smoking cigarettes. It was solely up to him to dry the mattress-with a hairdryer-wipe the walls and ceiling, and replace the wet bedsheets with clean ones. As if all that was not enough, he would have to put all soiled clothes and towels in the washing machine.

"Thank God we broke up. I could not stand that horrible stench any longer," he concluded at the end.

"What stench are you talking about? It's like warm water."

"Only when it's fresh. The next day it smells like piss."

"I had no idea," I confessed. I thought I was the expert when it came to squirters but here was someone who had a deeper knowledge of the subject.

He laughed when I told him about my experience with the squirting dwarf and we concluded that despite the initial appeal, squirt queens were a pain in the ass and it was too much of a hassle sharing an apartment with them. Unless you had a thing for hurricane relief drills.

I offered to introduce Marina to my friend but he was like, "Thanks, but no thanks." After getting rid of the squirting waitress, he managed to hook up with another Greek girl that worked in her dad's gyros shop.

"Melina's a moaner," he declared adamantly. "She is also a Greek nationalist, a believer in the Greek Orthodox church, and a lover of ancient Greece. I showed her a Fellini film that other time and she almost started screaming at me. Something about the decadence of modern art. She takes personal offence when facing it. To her it is an insult to traditional concepts of form."

"It turns me on when a girl moans during sex," I said.

"You been to my apartment, huh? What if I told you that every time Melina and I have sex, the entire block wakes up. I get some scary glances from my neighbors at times. Sooner or later, someone is going to walk up to me and ask me to stuff a sock in the bitch's mouth next time I fuck her."

"You sure know how to choose your girlfriends."

"Wait 'till you hear about the other one. The other time she asked me to fuck her brutally up the ass and slap her hard. As it turned out, she had been raped when she was fourteen."

"Let me guess. Another waitress from a Greek restaurant?"

"Barmaid. The owner is Greek though. You wanna hear the most fucked up part of the story? The guy who raped Penelope shot himself in the head after finishing the job. Right in front of her."

"What else could he do? Mission accomplished. Let's split."

"That asshole sure didn't give a shit about screwing up mentally a fourteen year old girl. Now it's impossible for her to enjoy normal intercourse. She can't cum unless you treat her like trash."

"The problem with these relationships is that you get hooked to the power and at the end you can't do without your slave. You end up becoming the slave of your slave."

"That's a very interesting observation," he said stroking his chin.

"I got a similar situation with the squirting dwarf. I don't want to admit the power she exerts over me."

"You fucking anyone else these days?"

"Nope."

"That is why you're attracted to the dwarf. You don't have a better option. I suggest you start going out with other girls."

"I'll take on your advice."