The missing pieces

The memory

The sky was a vivid bright blue, the grass a perfect, lucious green.

I could feel the sun warming up my cold face and hear the waves gently crashing.

This was my favourite place to go when I needed to calm down and rewind .

I was at work in the cafe when this horrible witch like woman suddenly started yelling at me for bringing her the wrong type of coffee despite her ordering that coffee, everyone there started laughing at me like hyenas. I started panicking and told my boss I needed to do something urgently and he let me go for the second time this month, I think he knew I was terrified.

Somehow, I ended up here, sat on the soft grass. I was lost in my thoughts of running away to a world of peace and happiness where no one gets hurt when I saw a woman with dirty blonde hair walking past, clinging onto her arm was a little girl with mousy brown hair. I looked away and suddenly started to feel nauseous.

Before I could stop myself the worst day of my life played out in my head again. I was nearly 8 years old at the time, my mum had me in her arms. "Your hair looks beautiful." She said with admiration. She sat me down in her lap and started plaiting my mousy brown hair. It was past midnight. "Mum, where's dad?" I had asked nonchalantly realising that he should be back home.

She sighed and finally said, "I don't know, Lynny, I think he will be here soon."

She tied my plait into a bobble and let me go. "Wow you look like a little princess." She smiled. I did a little twirl and grinned to which she came and hugged me tightly. We talked for a little while, I don't remember what we talked about. I then went and sat on the chair watching TV till my eyes couldn't take it anymore.

"Mum, I'm tired." I said rubbing my eyes. She looked at me, her emerald colored eyes shining, she patted the space next to her on the sofa and smiled sweetly, pulling her short, dirty blonde hair behind her ears . I smiled back and sat down, drowsiness had taken over me and I shortly had my head in her lap, feeling her slowly stroke my hair till I fell asleep.

BANG! The front door violently crashed open, waking me up. Mum dropped my head and was up on her feet in a heartbeat. I was still tired but realized that my dad was at the door. He walked in clumsily slamming the door shut. "Are you OK?" my mum was asking holding onto his shoulder. He completely ignored her question. I felt angry, I wish I could go back and punch him. Suddenly, he flung back his arm smacking in to mum's face she gave out a little groan and cupped her face into her hands.

"Mum!" I yelled and silenced quickly due to my dads deathly stare, he soon looked away. At which point my mum looked at me with so much sadness and regret that I wanted to cry. I looked over at my dad, he was swaying from side to side then sat down on the chair, his head in his hands.

My mum came over and scooped me up into her arms even though I was much too old and heavy. She slowly carried me up the stairs. Mum, what's happening?" I had asked with confusion as she lowered me down to my feet in my blue room.

"Nothing, come on, go to sleep." She reassured me despite the fearful look on her face, walking me to my bed, I got into my bed and wrapped myself in my blanket "mum, look I'm a burrito!" I giggled.

She looked at me sternly for a few seconds before letting a few giggles escape her little mouth "Lynny." She breathed. She bent down and kissed my forehead. "Goodnight, I love you." She whispered. I grew up in a dysfunctional family. It was like world war three nearly everyday and that was my shelter.

"Goodnight mum." I replied, I'd do anything to be able to say that to her again.

"Claire!" Came my dad's booming voice. Mum had an anxious expression on her face and quickly ran downstairs to my dismay. What happened next was terrible...

My phone rang bringing me back to reality. I sighed, looking down at the screen-Sarah.

"Hello," I answered "Sarah..."

"Lyn, where are you?" asked Sarah, my second mother-the woman who adopted me.

"I'm at the park, the one with the river." I replied, slowly getting up onto my feet and wiping the soil off from my jeans.

"I thought you were going to work, did you even go to work?" She asks suspiciously.

"I did go to work but I was allowed of early." I lie.

"Really? Well your boss just phoned saying you left and didn't come back, Lyn come home now!" Sarah demanded the anger in her voice clear.

"I'm coming." I said impatiently, walking to the gates, it was so typical of him to notify Sarah.

"Ok honey, be safe." She said, suddenly sounding gentle.

"I will." I replied walking out of the gates and looking at the houses. I thought to myself: houses are weird on the outside they look so plain but it could be concealing anything. You never really know what could be going on inside someones house.

I find myself at our house, the bright red door right in front of me and a big gold number 5 stuck on it. Taking a deep breath I open it and enter. "Lyn?" Sarah says walking up to me.

"What?" I ask.

"Why did you leave?"

"I just felt sick and needed some space."

"You need this job, Lyn, your 16- not a child, you can't expect him to keep taking you back." She says making no attempt to hide her disappointment.

"I know, I'm sorry, I won't do it again." I say. she looks at me not really believing but changes the topic, "I made some pasta for you, go and eat it." She says walking up the stairs.

I walk into the kitchen and eat up the pasta so quickly, I never realized just how hungry I was and her disappointed face is burnt into my mind. I feel so bad and I regret leaving but I couldn't risk having a panic attack in front of all those people.

I watch TV for a while and then walk up to to my room and lay in bed. I feel so exhausted but my brain just won't switch off.

Where could she be now? Is she even alive? If she is does she remember me? what about him? I try to push it to the back of my mind but it's not working. I haven't thought about her properly for ages and it feels like someone is stabbing me in the heart a hundred times with a sharp knife. I shut my eyes tightly counting to a hundred but all I can see is her kind,vibrant, green eyes staring back at me.

I wrap my blanket around me in a desperate attempt to feel comfort. A few hot tears escape my eyes, is she even alive? The question keeps replaying in my mind like a stuck record and before I know it, I'm sobbing quietly, hidden under my blanket.