Poisoned Lust

Chapter 1

Sorry I haven't finished this chapter yet xoxo

"Dear diary" Monique whispered "how frustrating is this? I left you at the back of my mind but you still managed to creep up on me and get under my skin. She stabbed her finger on the leg of her shorts and was making a full stop. She whispered even more softly, leaning her forehead against the window, "And I'm afraid to look at you and even talk to you" she made another stab and then, feeling tears slip down her cheeks, reluctantly turned her phone on and looked over the messages. It was stupid, but she couldn't help it. She needed this.

"So here i am"she said softly, "sitting up on my window seal. This has to be my diary entry for today. By the way, me and Roxxi made a rule - not to think it care about him but I guess I'm kind of breaking that rule. Right now it's so dark outside that I can't see the silhouette of buildings ... But I've been going crazy - crying and feeling lost - and so lonely because of Derek..."
" I have to get rid of any thoughts of him - it's too painful, too hurtful. " Monique paused for a split second -

"How am I supposed to stop thinking about him if he sneaked up on me in a way, I never thought possible". Monique paused tonsils her nose on her sleeve. "How did I get myself into this situation?" She shook her head, but her bedroom wall with her clenched fist.
" Maybe if I stopped feeling sorry for myself and just moved on, it wouldn't hurt so much". Monique blinked thinking of Roxxi, Kelsie, and Peter. "But they have their own problems and life to deal with, I shouldn't trouble them with my pathetic dilemma"

For a moment she sat with a clenched fist on her knee. A small voice inside her saying, "so stop whining Monique, and get over it. Get over it. Stop being pathetic"

"Maybe I should start at the beginning? The beginning? What was the beginning? Derek?Josh? Maybe Aaron?

Slowly,almost dreamily, she spoke into her phone.
" In the first place: who am i? I'm Monique Farrel, age sixteen. " Even more slowly she said, " I... Don't think it's vain to say I'm beautiful. If I didn't know i was, i'd have to never looked in the mirror or heard a compliment. - it's not something I should be proud of - it's something that was passed down from mom. "

"What do I look like? I have brown hair with a few golden highlights that falls in sort of waves past my shoulders and green eyes with splashes of gold" she gave a half-shocked laugh. "Maybe that's why he wanted to play with my feelings"