[ COACH ] Fall
[ SONG | ARTIST ] Ringing The Bells For Jimmy | Johnny Cash
[ WATTPAD WORD COUNT ] 1,499 words
In the deepest of his heart, in the deepest of his soul, his fantasies were born, his dreams that he wished to occur. Each and every day, he would look in the sky and think of those. He would imagine if those were to happen, he would be really happy. He knew that those could be the light for his future but at the same time, the darkness that could devour him. No matter how much he prevented those, it grew. He wished, wishes and would wish for those to come true. He yearned for those. You know that feeling right? The feeling of wishing something you cannot grasp at all and is so very far away from you. You know that right? And the feeling of pain that you already tried your best but nothing came, nothing was granted.
Although he knew it wouldn't be granted, although those were the ones that could pull him down, he continued up until those shattered, became his nightmare that brought him to hell, to misery. He can’t just stop for all his life revolves around those wishes. He knew that no matter how much he tries, he can’t get a hold of those so he decided just to sit there, watch, wish and wait. Were all the same. Once we knew that our dreams, fantasies and wishes are already impossible to reach, we intend to stop and just watch the others catch it.
Shines the moon and the stars, they lead him the way. The bridge appeared in front of him and only one step was needed. He moved his feet but never stepped. He hesitated. He didn't know what to do. His mind panicked as his heart trembled. He kneeled down, asking for someone's help. He needed to decide. He just couldn't pass the boundary, the complications which the bridge represented. What would happen if he walked? What would the answer be? Would it be the same? He just can’t take a risk, we can’t just take a risk. His decision hold everything. What if something unimaginable happened? The fact that his decision held it all was making it hard for him to decide. He just wanted everything to stop. You know what? Stopping the time once crossed his mind but shrugging it off was all he did. He knew it was impossible stop and most of all, impossible to stop everything. He needs to end it - but in what way?
He stayed. He laid down in the grasses, looked at the sky and cried. In each drop laid the memories of their wedding day. He was watching her walking down the aisle, smiling with happiness that words couldn't describe. She was wearing a white gown that suited her reddish skin. Her kissable lips wished to be kissed by her special person. That was one important day for her. Yes - only for her. Blessed oh Lord that celebration, lead them not into temptation. May their lives be filled with love that wouldn't break in just a drop of jealousy, in just a spoonful of anger. He wouldn't want her to be in pain. He would never want that to happen.
That day was so bright that he almost closed his eyes and cried because of too much light that he can’t see her anymore. She was too far away from him that made him realize that no matter how far and fast he runs, he wouldn’t be able to catch up and hold her hand. That scene was too much for him to handle but he tried his best and succeed but pain? Pain was slowly eating and torturing his heart. He felt like his heart was crying out loud deep inside him, wanting him to stop from feeling all those negative emotions. His mind was aching because of too much memories he had with her, memories of looking from afar. Both wanted to stop, both wanted to end their sufferings. They were already tired.
He met his love but did she love him? No. She loved another. She loved someone else and that broke him, everything about him. In her hands laid all of him, in those eyes was the image that loved her, in her memories was the person who always watched her from afar. Why couldn’t she notice him? He always asks his self. Why? Really why? He knew that love isn’t all about happiness, the beatings of heart but it’s all about heartbreaks, pain and all.
He clenched his hands as he remembered that day, each detail that happened, each heartbeat he felt and lastly, the misery that broke his unknowingly fragile heart. Sobs can be heard throughout the place. Those weren't just sobs but in the deepest of those were the shouts of his heart, of his mind, calling out for her but like I said they were already tired. They couldn’t just stop for their owner longed for her. He loves her so much. He endured his broken heart, his everything just to grant her wish to watch her walking down that aisle. Though it pained him, he used his magic, the magic of love, the desire of fulfilling someone's wish.
The feeling of loving someone who’s loving someone else is the worst. You are to experience heavy feelings and too much pain. While looking at your dear someone, you may be happy but at the same time, your heart is tearing apart. You may smile but deep inside you’re crying. The fact that your dear someone is holding someone else, loving someone else, caring someone else? That’s too much for your heart to endure. You may look so strong but In reality you’re weak and is breaking into pieces. That’s just his circumstance was. He was breaking. He kept on looking at her from far away and guiding her but why was it that he gained nothing? While the other party just entered the person he loves unexpectedly and that’s it. They we’re already in love. Why was it that he’s been loving her all through those year and wasn’t acknowledge? He had so many questions. He wanted answers for those but he stopped seeking. He knew that finding X in his equation is impossible for the other variables were already gone and happy in the next equation. Why was it that there he was, remaining all alone in that place?
He wiped his tears aggressively as he stood up. Again he stared at the bridge for about how many minutes and yet answers couldn't be found. The same question popped in his mind. Would everything be the same? He stared at the bridge and as the wind blew, another tear escaped.
He knew that if he passed that, he would leave all the problems and pains he had. He wanted to let go but if he would, together with those was her love for her, her memories with her. He still didn't want to let go of the paper in which their story was written to, the pen that wrote that story and lastly her, the protagonist which the minor character watched, him. He really wanted to burn that paper into ashes but his heart wanted to hold onto it. Something important to you is not that easy to let go specially when the it already became a half of you. You can’t live your life without the other half. You can’t walk the world without the other half.
"Please."
A whisper he heard. He looked above but saw nothing. He looked at his back, but saw nothing. He looked into his heart, there came the whisper of his fantasy. His fantasy in where she is his and not the others. In where in his arms he holds her, where her heart he holds, where everything about her revolves around him. That whisper he heard begged, it begged for him to stop. His fantasies wished him to stop for he was only hurting his own.
He stayed and didn't walk away. He waited for answers but nothing came. He waited for someone's help but no one rescued. He had been waiting for how many years already but did something came? The wait he made was useless. Will he wait more? In that place called in between? He can’t wait for forever. He needed to stop and realized that he wanted to stop.
Now, only one bell is ringing. Yes one bell, his memories. It is ringing throughout the places, their hearts, his family’s hearts. They walk into the deepest of some place. There he lies inside his grave sleeping with a smiling face.
Do you know what happened?
He stopped from waiting, took a step and passed the bridge. What was the other side? Heaven, the place without temptation, the place of salvation. He decided not to let go. He decided not to leave a thing. He passed the boundary together with his love for her and regretted nothing. He knew that someday would come that the answer will come to him on its own.
