Tainted Teardrops [Book no.1- Dhatins of 3030 Indonesia] ✔

15 | hate at first sight

~ Amity's POV, continuation~

There is some uncertainty about the words that trample over my shrunken brain. Melancholy, or maybe perhaps, grievance upon my emotions. It doesn't really matter much anymore how much I feel-or try to feel- it all just goes down the drain in the end. Draining like water flowing down a pipe at the side of a house. In fact, there was even a nearby cottage that had a pipe that I pretended to stare at for certain reasons...

If there was one word to delineate how I feel at this very moment, it could be that cheesy thing called love. The kind that I see humans get worked up about, the kind that they would dedicate their energy to. Weddings would be held, and babies would be named if such love existed or succeeded. 

Have they ever felt this kind of love? 

Love that seems to transcend all emotions, but also seems to lack its usual intention? Love's intentions were to make the other happy. Was I happy? I was. Radiating with a spark, a luminescent glow even, was what I felt. The way that I couldn't ever think I'd feel this way and then- when I do feel this way, I turn limp.  But still, was I in love? I wasn't so sure. 

Did I know what love is?

Probably no. Then I'd say this is close to what the humans call this word. Meanings of words are often overlooked among humans. But for me, words were an excellent way for me to comprehend the human species more clearly. Recalling a word that I had seemed to have forgotten long ago was like learning how to walk again. And when I mean by learning how to walk again, I mean by a disabled human finally breaking free of his cast and stepping one foot after the other, in synchronized motion. Like a normal human being. Raindrops dribble on the edge of my nose, as I try to make out the crunching in my heart. However, the crunching in my chest has subsided, and I feel a new heart growing, beating at an accelerated speed. 

Why me? 

Why can't I just be with the others at the Berserker Insurgency and forget about this man altogether? The feelings he gives me, these gifts of happiness that he bestows. I've never felt more contented in my entire life as a dhatin. And, I won't stop until I put the pieces of my heart back together again. A lost puzzle piece I was, and he's the one last piece that I think will pull my heart back together again. Once more, I'd be normal. 

Once more, I'd be free, and...

Human.

How did I know that I was going to be human once more? Well, every time that I even felt human emotion, I'd slowly turn away from my monstrous form. My sunken eyes would be replaced with sapphire blue ones. My skin would no longer be flaky and lack of color. But instead, it would glow with such health and human-like touch. 

With the help of him.

My infinite fight for acceptance has come to an end. He is all I need right now. All I dreamed of, all I want.  Do I sound possessive? Maybe I do. To understand my deliberating situation is to understand someone in a world gone mad. Have I gone nuts? Insane? 

Or has the world gone insane?

This feeling is exotic, and I want to experience it more.

His hand rests on my right cheek, as the tears roll down his cheeks. Like a stream of empathy, those tears of his roll down, as I steal a glance at his melancholy-grey eyes with pity. I couldn't even begin to fathom why he gave a damn about a monster like me. And yet, all I could think about right now was how much I gave a damn about him.

It didn't matter how much he cried, but the way that his lips gently brushed against mine, made him more at peace. It didn't matter how much I was a monster to the world, but in his eyes, I'm his everything.