Disorder

8: Happy Little Pill

It took me a minute to process what she said before I fully understood.

"N-No. You're lying. He cares about me, he has spent two months with me. I love-" I stopped myself right there. I was just about to say I love him. Holy crap. I love Ashkii.

"I'm not lying. Wait...oh my god!" She laughed. She was doubled over with laughter but calmed herself and looked back to me, her expression being highly amused. "You do love him! That's fucking funny. You're so pathetic."

"Hey. What's going on?" Ashkii's voice sounded behind me. I snapped out of my thoughts to realize that I had started crying, tears streaming down my face nonstop, no doubt making my makeup look like shit. I stood up and started backing away from him. He looked so confused.

"I just told her what you were too much of a bitch to say." He stared at Serena, looking confused but then he realized what she was talking about.

How could he do this? I knew this was a mistake. I should've kept to my instincts, push him away like I do to everyone else. He broke everything. He broke my walls, my sense of mind, my emotions, now my heart, and my stability.

I couldn't see straight. I was totally and completely broken. He lied. I worked so hard to be okay. I worked so hard to stay clean. I can't handle this pain. All the bad things I pushed away, flooded back, infecting my mind.

"Jess, I-" He started, but stopped when I started to run away. I stopped outside the door to take of my heels and held them in one hand, and started sprinting away.

By the time I made it home it was around 11:30 and my mom was no doubt asleep. I quietly snuck into the house and up to my bathroom, my breathing heavy. I was still sobbing when I got there, my hands shaking.

I was having a small panic attack but I don't care. I just want it to all be over, right now. I opened the medicine cabinet and found my moms prescription pills that she never takes. I walked out the bathroom and into my room where I shut the door.

Hurry up. You're dragging this out because you're waiting for him to come. He isn't coming.

They screamed in my head. Usually I sit against a wall and cry and cover my ears, screaming at them to shut up when they would speak, but I just kept doing what I wanted.

I opened the bottle and swallowed three pills at a time until there was only about five left. I sat against a wall and waited for sleep to overcome me as the voices screamed in my head.

This time I actually listened. They were saying how I made the right decision and I was making the world a better place.

And soon enough, the darkness overtook me and that was it.
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Sorry for shortness but eh. Also sorry i haven't been updating I'm in Arizona but I'm going home now so don't worry. Vote and comment please. Love yous all
B y e - J.x