LUNCHBOX FRIENDS | changlix

.01

on third grade, felix kept his first secret.

it was a ladybug he'd hidden on his yellow-lidded pencil sharpener and decided to not parade it around, aware of other kids being tempted to steal it from him. it turned out that the insect lived a short life in the little house he built for it: on recess, it was dead. it took their secret with it to the grave, felix's first trustworthy confidante. and he'd killed it by constraining its breathing.

after that, felix began to accumulate secrets, but this time without someone to share the custody.

his parents had never been... present. or should them be called unattentive? nonetheless, felix had spent the first few years of his life completely alone (in the womb, then in the little baby blue cradle he was imprisoned in for the next couple of years).

once his body had stretched long enough that his feet spilled out between the gaps of the cradle, his parents earned a great job opportunity. although it was required of them to move across the globe, it came in a pretty good timing! they'd have money to buy felix an actual bed, and the little voice inside his head that reminded him of his big 12 years of age still sleeping in a toddler's bed would be smothered to ashes.

that wasn't what happened.

well, his parents did accept the job. they did travel. they did earn a lot of money. they also did... leave felix behind, alone.

well, not completely alone. of course there was an adult taking care of him: his octogenarian grandfather who suffered from dementia and couldn't tell felix and a lovecraftian monster apart. so, basically, alone.

it was not like felix didn't try to weave himself into a relationship with his parents: he actually tried a lot. there had been stances that he'd even booked a whole flight to surprise them in france. but, since grandpa's signature was needed, and felix was still too pure to google the words "how to fake a disabled old man's signature", felix's transaction was discontinued.

then, his grandpa ended up in the hospital. it had been a usual day, birds chirping and a violent cramp in his right leg from being folded all night in the small space of the cradle.

felix had dragged his feet to the kitchen to make the usual morning porridge, and found the old man shaking and twitching his body like under demonic possession on what had been once his parents' bed.

the bowl of plain, thick porridge dove into the floor with a clunk and just missed his foot for a hair string. felix had never seen such a scene, but he understood old people had all kinds of medical problems, and the only people that could deal with those were medical professionals.

grandpa lee had been previously residing in a retirement house, so he hadn't lived with his grandpa long enough before to develop anything close to a caring relationship, but felix could only guess that living together didn't really equal to any kind of affection, otherwise his parents wouldn't leave him to deal with everything. when the ambulance arrived to take the old man away, one of the uniformed people commented something about an accumulation of letters in the doorway which felix had seen, but didn't give much thought. it turned out those were called bills.

his grandpa didn't return for one week, but felix had been quite busy during that time. first, there was the attempt of alerting his parents of the situation.

beep, beep.

"hello?" the almost unfamiliar voice of his dad said through the phone. it echoed from the speaker and right through his ear, and felix got so spooked from hearing his dad so close he forgot to talk and got hung up on.

"hello," he could detect the annoyance in his father's voice after felix called again.

"hey, dad, i-"

"ah, felix," he lamented as if he was expecting anyone else. "yes, you can buy that videogame."

felix didn't even play video games.

"no! i was just calling to-"

"or that new pair of shoes," he continued, vaguely, not appearing to give the words coming out of his own mouth any meaning, "or whatever."

"no, dad, i-"

beep, beep, beep.

felix didn't call again.

instead, he searched around the internet for a guide on how to do taxes. felix supposed it was about time. he had been living practically alone for most of his life. he was the textbook definition of a grown-up: owning a house, being paid (with his parents' monthly allowance), paying bills, and solving problems by himself.

after a week, grandpa lee came back home, and, that same night, passed away while peacefully sleeping. and then felix was really alone.

by what the government knew, or whoever worked on that department, felix was still living with a (questionably) able adult, who paid bills and the house's rent.

that was his biggest secret. he had never needed to confront it.

until he had.

---

right on the first day of high school, felix began to receive some letters.

they were placed randomly, going from appearing out of nowhere inside his bag, hiding between his books, to having his locker be constantly assaulted by a plethora of notes spilling from every crevice. they all had the same content, a variation of "i know what you did."

felix was, embarrassingly enough, shitting his pants. the messages were very vague, but, inside a guilty mind, they seemed to be his death sentence.

then they started to appear in his mail, and felix, terrified, decided not to visit his own house for a couple of days, staying at jeongin's place.

thankfully, miss yang seemed enthusiastic about having felix over. didn't ask to talk to his parents either.

it was also very... disconcerting that the messages stopped as soon as he began staying over.

then he came face to face with the author.

it was a usual evening: the usual walk back to the house, with jeongin being his usual annoying self babbling his head out about usual theater kid stuff, which usually made felix daydream about having the courage to tell him to just shut up!!

but once they had both showered and jeongin's mother had stuffed them with serving after serving of carrots and peas at dinner ("brain food, kids, brain food!"), felix rolled his eyes when jeongin started making psychopathic expressions while smashing his thumbs on the phone screen. he was never a fan of the i'll-annoy-you-until-you-love-me flirting technique, but if that was what hyunjin was aiming for, who was felix to judge?

he half-heartedly excused himself, muttering something about going to the bathroom. but, once out of jeongin's room, it felt like reality had been shifted.

with the corridor pitch black, felix couldn't even tell if his eyes were open or not. he trailed down the seemingly endless path from jeongin's room to the toilet, hands roaming the walls. felix was familiar enough with this house to know there was no switch until the end, and where to avoid as to not break some ancient family heirloom.

felix trailed down the corridor with a ringing in his ears, the unshakable sensation he was being watched. but, not long after, thanks for his hands feeling up the walls and some tip-toeing, felix arrived at the bathroom's door, safe and sound.

the whole scenario seemed like a horror movie setting, all the lights were off, shadows dancing along the walls. only one light prevailed: a faint gleam coming from the space under a door, not far... just behind him, parallel to the bathroom.

miss yang's room.