Thrown to pieces

realizing 1

        I woke up one day not feeling like my self. I knew something was up but couldn't figure out just what was bothering me. I felt so tired but i had gone to bed that night early. Every day i was getting weaker and i didn't want to get up. My parents would shake me to get me up. I always had fights with them. I always wanted to eat food i was like a bottomless pit. My parents thought because i was having mood swings was because that it was just a teen thing. They had to take me to a hospital because i had hurt myself. I broke a phone throwing it at a wall not knowing my own strength. All i wanted was to die because i felt like know one cared. While riding in the ambulance not really caring and staying awake for the whole ride looking out of the tiny window wondering if i would still live or would i be gone forever. As soon as we got to the hospital i said i was fine to walk they allowed me to walk to the bed. I felt like i had been there all night which i had.

         I was so hungry i asked for food only getting a little. But it held me through for the tests they where taking. Then finally they  had said to me we have bad news for you. At that point i lost my mind really worried about what they where gunna tell me. I held my breath while they told me The doctor said that i could have died at any point, and it was a thyroid. When he told me i released my breath having no clue what that was. But he started to explain to me in big words what it ment. I was still a little shaken. He told me it was eating the insides of me and that i was lucky and that's why i ate a lot. He said if i wouldn't have ate as much as i did then i would have been dead a few years ago I wondered in my mind if there was a cure. At that moment the doctor had told me in a gentle voice you will have to take pills for the rest of your life.

        All i ever wanted was to have no issues. This was one more on my bucket list of things that happened. It was another apart of me that i couldnt quite figure out. this was why i had another crack in my glass i couldnt fix. They made me go to this place called the Hall Acost its a place they put people when they think they will harm themselfes, and people only stayed a week.  I hated that place especially one guy that worked there he was really mean about when i told him i ended up there. But like really they treat you like baby's, and i really wanted to punch this one lady bc it was cold and she was gunna make us go out side and i just wanted to watch a movie on tv. They made me watch a disney movie i was so tired of watching it i fell asleep. She came and shook me and was like are you alive? I wanted to say so badly does it look like im dead. I was board so i feel asleep doesnt mean im gunna die on you.

        when my parents came to pick me up they tried to bribe me with my favorite radio station. I told them i didnt want to lissen. I might have said some bad words in the sentence but i was pissed. They made me go to a crazy insitute with people thinking id kill one of them maybe because then i did where a whole ton of make up. But as soon as we got home i still had to do every little thing they could have done them selfes. which aggrivated me so much all i wanted was for them to get off there lazy dumbs and do what they could do themselfs with out being so darn lazzy.