Run Away With Me. [ Jalex - Not finished. ]

Honestly, without Jack, my boyfriend, I wouldn't be here right now. He's been there for me no matter what, through my worst times, he's been there. He's my one and only, I wanna marry him, I don't think he wants to marry me. But, its probably a boy thing. I'm sure in two months, we won't be dating. And my life will go back to normal, back to depression, which meant back to cutting. Sometimes I think Jack started even talking to me because he saw my cuts on my arm, and he wanted me to talk. I honestly don't think he loves me, he just wants me to not cut. Why would he even love me anyway? To be honest I'm a terrible person. But, its weird because I love him. But I don't think he loves me back even though we are dating.

"Hey, Jack!" I said happily to him, looking into his sea green eyes. He smiled back happily but didn't say anything. That was Jack's way of saying 'Hello', he doesn't say it, just smiles and nods and then continues to do what ever he was doing. He sat on the edge of his porch steps and was wearing his old Slipknot shirt he got when he was twelve, and his blue skinny jeans. His long brownish hair went down past his shoulders.

He looked at me with a saddening expression after the smile. "Grandpa died today.." He noted sadly and then grabbed his guitar sudenly started playing Mayday Parade - Terrible Things. I love how he got lost into his music, there wasn't a care in the world while he was playing. His voice was a true angel's. I loved it. I loved how he just got lost in the music and didn't even care. He didn't even care that his grandfather died, he was sad, but not when he was playing music. It really took out his pain, I love it. 

He finished the song and put the guitar to his side, and pulled me close. "That, was your daily song," he winked and smiled even though I could tell he was hurting a lot in side. I stared in his green eyes, and he stared back into my brown eyes. His smile lit up even brighter and he said, "Hey, darling, don't feel sad. It's okay. I wasn't close to him. I was just upset because of death. I'm afraid of it, you should know that." He shrugged and put his hand on my chin and laughed nervously.

I shrugged and laughed. "I know, its just that I don't like seeing you scared, or sad.," I told him. I don't even have any idea why he's afraid of death. He's an athiest. Isn't he? "Why are you afraid of death?" I asked.

"I don't know what's going to happen," he shrugged, "Its nothing, Lex. Don't worry."

How can I not worry when I know something is wrong with him? I just want him to be happy. I wish he were happy, it would make me happy. I love him, but its probably just a teenage thing. We're both  19 right now, so its probably a teen thing. Yeah, it is. He probably will break up with me before my twentieth birthday. Or I would break up with him. Probably not, I don't have the guts to break up with someone, unless they're abusing me. I get them to break up with me so we'll be less hurt. But not soon though, I couldn't deal with all the hurt. I don't want my boyfriend to leave me, I'm just a lonly fucked up teenager who now drinks to take the pain away, instead of cutting. But hey, drinking is better than smoking and cutting, right? 

I cuddled up toward him and tried to make him feel better. I gripped my arms around his neck and gave him a peck on the cheek for a few seconds. I pulled my lips away from his cheek which made a little puckering sound, I watched his eyes lit up and he looked at me and smiled. Oh goodness, how do you dislike this boy? He's perfect. Why do I think that? Because of his flaws, his voice, his singing, his everything. The way he helped me with a lot makes me love him more. Why does he have to be so perfect? I want to marry this man. But our parents don't even know of our relationship. Will this ever work? What if our parents our homophobes, and won't accept us.

Worried about if we should tell out parents or not, I looked up at him, and had a serious expression of my face. I don't want to tell our parents, so I said to him, "Jack. Lets run away. We won't tell our parents, we don't have to. We won't. What do you say Jacky?" I asked him. I meant it to. It came out of no where, me asking to run away with Jack. That's what I want to do, so we don't have to tell anyone, we can only be by ourselves and the country. Or the city. Hmm..? If Jack says yes we should go to Ohio. 

I studied the expression on his face, he was thinking alright. I think he liked the idea by the way he looked at me, smiled, and then continued to bite his lip. "Yes," he said agreeing to the idea, "I want to run away with you." The expression on his face was serious and he wasn't being sarcastic, so I know he actually wants to run away with me. "But when?" He asked.

I smiled and looked at him, "As soon as possible."

"Lets go tonight."

"Ohio?"

"Yes, California is boring. Lets go pack our bags." Its weird how he just agreed to the idea so fast. Looks like we're going to Ohio.

We went to our rooms, we live together, and packed our items. Clothes, our wallets, phone chargers, and our music players. Can't leave home without those, can we? No, we can't. Once we had packed everything, we left in Jack's car. Oh god, we're running away. 

We're going to Ohio.