My first relationship was borderline abusive. We meet in grade 9 in either gym or guitar class and we somewhat became friends and started competing against each other to see how has the best note or who can do it better. With in the first week i started having a crush on him but thought to myself that i couldn't because i have a crush on some other guy friend from elementary school that ive been friend with for 8 years. It felt wrong to move on and replace someone who i cared deeply about so fast just because we moved to different high school. So i pushed back my crush with the new guy and ignored all and any approaches from him for pretty much 3 years. I would friend zone him at any opportunity without realizing it. Though all my friends and some teacher's would tease the shit out of me and this guy as everyone thought we would make a good couple and get married one day. In grad 11, his sister got married and he went to the bachelor party and was drinking a little bit and asked me out. I freaked out didn't know what to do, asked him if he remembered texting me on Snapchat ( when it didn't have the option to save), and of course he did. I felt trapped like i had to say yes for many reasons.
1. My parents meet in high school and have been together for 27 years now maybe more
2. Peer pressure from everyone at school teasing me about us
3. Didn't know my own feeling
4. Wanted a relationship high school like in movies
5. My cousins and grandma knew him and his family and would tease me about it all the time
So i agreed, and we started dating the last week of exams in grad 11. Everything was okay, i was so nervous about everything. Ive never kiss anyone before and so i was naturally terrified and I'm not an out going person to start with nor I'm i someone who speaks up for myself
Over the summer we would meet up and hangout at his place most of the time as his was alone at home and we would be able to hangout without judgment. His parents were either at their cabin or at work most of the time.
He would try and kiss me but I refused to and just said I'm not ready yet so he would just hug and kiss my forehead which I was fine with. But then he started to kiss else were on my face which made me uncomfortable and it would just get closer and closer to my mouth. I think with in the first 2 months he kissed me on the lips when i was not full comfortable with it. With made me feel unease. From that point on he started getting a little bit more handsy. We would start to make out and he would try and put his hands up my shirt or over my shirt to play with my boobs. I was not comfortable with that and would push his hands aways and tell him no and that i don't want to do that. I would have to tell him multiple times a day sometimes. We would talk about it and i would bring up the topic that i don't want to have sex and I'm not ready for anything sexual (I am someone who believe that sex is only used to have kids and only after marriage) and he would agree that we can wait till I'm ready. But probably about 2 weeks after we would talk he would do it again and try to put his hands under my shirt. At one point he just told me "come on, don't you trust me. I'll stop if you really don't like it just try it". It made me feel bad so i let him do it. I remember feeling very uncomfortable with the feeling and wanting to stop, but i felt like i was in the wrong for not wanting to do it in the first place. I felt like there was something wrong with me because i didn't and couldn't bring up the courage to do anything further in the relationship at this point, i thought that i had to, that it was part of being in a relationship. So i just left it be and continued making out and him feeling me up.
When school started up again it felt really weird to be in a relationship. People were talking or giving me looks when i would be with him at school. I didn't like the attention i was getting from everyone. He was someone who like to do all lot of PDA but i didn't like it so with in the first month and a half of school i had a conversation with my boyfriend at the time. I told him that i need more space at school and that i don't want to do as mush PDA as we have been doing. That its just to much at the moment, that i just want a little bit more time to adjust to the change of being in a relationship. He didn't really understand why i wanted that but he did back off with the PDA for a little bit so i was pleased.
