it's very difficult to explain.
it's like drowning but you're on land.
i'm right beside my friends and i still feel invisible.
like I'm watching a motion picture film in 3D.
they wouldn't care if i was there or not.
it's like suffocating in perfectly breathable air.
breathing in oxygen but having you mistakes diminish any signs of life.
it's suffocating in your pain and sadness and letting that overwhelm and take control of your life.
it's like torture.
mental torture.
you're literally being killed by your own unhappiness.
it just consumes you and makes you not able to do things that we once enjoyable.
your mind is insidious.
your mental health is treacherous.
you are your own bully.
everyday you tell yourself how terrible of a person you are and that you'd be better off dead.
a mind insane, some might say.
in reality, it's a broken heart.
a broken soul.
it's not just the things that were said to you.
it's also the things that weren't spoken.
it's your inability to trust people.
when depression was consuming you, you let no one save you.
few tried. none succeeded.
it's knowing you did this all to yourself.
you could have been helped.
instead you faked a smile everyday.
maybe someone would've noticed.
someone that would've changed you.
it's like cancer.
it spreads throughout your whole body.
destroys you.
it's the nights you've spent lying awake thinking of every meticulously terrifying scenario about how everyone actually hates you.
it's the sadness that overcame you an the frustration you are left with.
it's that being able to piece together each feeling is overwhelming.
it's the fact that you're life is unbearable.
every bad thing concours and destroys every inch of hope left in your body.
