Finding Solace

XXXIII

I could not longer feel time, days passing by, leaving me behind. They blended together, blurred by sleep deprivation and lack of self care. With skipped meals, night terrors and prolonged, scolding showers, I was lost in time.

I forced myself to stay awake, afraid of the dreams that would plaque my mind. Sure, the pill worked wonders, but it wasn't always a miracle. Nightmares could slip passed my medication induced sleep and after what Maverick saw, I didn't want him or any of the Somers to experience another one.

Yet, the lack of sleep catches up eventually and I ended up sleeping, no matter how much I fought it. No dreams came, thankfully but I knew I wouldn't be back to sleeping normally for a while. I woke up tired but not as drained as usual. It was completely stupid, it was, not taking proper care of myself. Deciding enough was enough, I pulled myself out of bed, pulling myself out of the funk.

After changing, I took it down the stairs slowly, so August wouldn't go to fast and fall. He was so happy to trail behind wherever I went and wouldn't mostly definitely hurt himself if I strayed to far from him. It was endearing but also put pressure on me, to have to care and think for another being other than myself.

It was already late morning, the kitchen empty. The dishes from breakfast were already cleaned and laid out to dry. A forth plate for me was set on the table and my stomach sank. Mrs. Somers continued to make food for me but I skipped the normal eating times for days on end. The pancakes now cold, I ate them anyway, giving the eggs to the begging puppy. I shouldn't give him people food but sometimes I couldn't help it.

I'm my time of self wallowing, I had neglected to check on the horse. Of course he was still being cared for, the ranch hands doing their part, it was my job to do. I wasn't obligated to do it but I promised myself I would when the Somers wouldn't take payment for my stay here.

August was happily weaving through my feet and playing the the long grass. I made my way down the familiar path, approaching the barn. Before we could make it inside, August began sniffing around, needing to do his business. As he found the perfect spot, I leaned against some of the fencing, watching as some close by cows munched on some grass. Even after all the months I spent here, this was closest I've ever been to a cow, and this was a ranch. In the distance, some of the workers were mounted on horses, spreading feed around and filling the feeders.

"August!" I yelled as I watched him run into the field. He must have slipped underneath the fencing. "Get back here!" I debated on climbing over and getting him but I didn't know if the cows would charge me or not.

In my moment of debating, one of the cowboys was already on August's trail, jumping down and retrieving him before mounting his horse again. He was too far away to identify but as they got closer, I recognized the tall, red steed. As Maverick grew closer, he pulled the horse to a stop, jumping down as he led the reins over to me.

"Thank you." I said as he handed August to me over the fence.

"It's not problem." He brushed it off, leaning his forearms against the fence as he took his hat off. Even though he wasn't holding the reins, Rudolf, his horse, stayed near. I was as he ripped the grass out by the roots as he ate.

"I would have climbed over but I wasn't sure what the cows would do." I admitted.

"Ah, they're harmless." He informed, adjusting his stance. "It's the bull you've got to worry about. The cows are usually friendly."

"They don't look very friendly." I made eye contact with one of the large beast, it's dark, beady eyes staring at me with void.

"Don't tell me you're afraid of cows." He laughed.

"Not afraid." I corrected, glancing from him to the cow, admiring his playful smile for a second. "Just cautious." I watched as his smile turned into a grin and I knew something was up.

He turned away from me, bringing his hands up to his mouth. He made some sort of call and some of the cows perked their heads up, mooing in return. I thought it was cute before they started making their way over to us.

"What are you doing?" I took a step back as they got closer.

"Getting you to pet a cow." He pulled some grass from the ground and held it out. "Come 'ere. Come on." He repeated until one of them approached us, eating the grass from his hand. I eyed the cow, not wanting to get any closer.
"Come here." He held his hand out to me and I shook my head. "I promise she won't hurt you." I watched as she occupied herself with the grass, casually eating by Maverick's boots.

"I can't believe I'm doing this." I muttered as I walked back up to the fence, placing my hand in his. He took my hand and placed it onto her back. She made no move to pull back and I began to stroke her.

"See, it's not so bad." He pat her neck.

"I guess not." I agreed.

"This here is Minnie. She was a bottle baby, which why she I'd so comfortable around people."

"Bottle baby?"

"Yeah, she was a twin but she was smaller one and the mom rejected her. We had to feed her ourselves by a bottle."

"Oh." I frowned pulling my hand back to adjust August. He was squirming to get a better look at the new animal. He let out a bark and Minnie stuck her head up before mooing in return.
"How can you even tell them apart?" I asked, looking at the sea of cows, a majority of them matching Minnie, with black and white spots.

"After spending so much time with them, you just do. The ranch hands use their tags to keep track of them." He pointed out the yellow tag hanging from her ear.

"Hey Casanova!" Someone yelled from further back in the field. "We still got work to do."

"Well," he sighed, leaning over the fence and pressing a quick kiss to my cheek. "Duty calls." I just started at him. I didn't know if that was intended or if he just did it without thinking. Either way, I still flushed.

He mounted his horse, placing his hat back on his head. He gave a nod, a smile on his lips, before turned his horse. As they galloped away, I turned and walked into the barn. When I got to where I couldn't be seen, I touched my hand to my cheek. I could still feel his lips lingering there, brushing across my cheek.

"Oh don't give me that look." I sassed at my horse, who was looking analyzing me and he gave me an almost sarcastic knicker, flicking his tail.