A decade with Florence

1 Heartbreak

Its 3 am in the morning, I'm listening to the song he dedicates me on loop, I can't sleep, I've been trying to manifest myself into his dreams for the past 3 days, my stupid mind still thinks that could work, every time I close my eyes I can remember the smell of his perfume, the way he used to hug me, the first kiss, the first date, the last word, am I obsessed? Maybe, did we date? Not, did it hurt like it were a 5 years relationship breakup? Absolutely yes. Is it the first time I cry over a man? No, would this be the last time? So far, no. 

There's only one thing that's worse than a breakup, getting ghosted, that's the worst thing that could ever be happening to you because the person you like or either you love just disappear from your life without even tell you what were the reasons that leaders them to leave, they just start ignoring you, and while you're on a buckle trying to understand what happened, they keep going with their life without any regret, not even thinking about you.

The first man who broke my heart, was my father, growing in a dysfunctional family teach some lessons, but I can easily resume this in 4 important rules, the first one; man never change and trying to change them will only change you, the second one; you have to be your own strong man because nobody will ever come and save you, the third one; you can't control everything, control how you react, and the last and most important one; you will never receive what you give, either is better or worse, but never the same.

Obviously, I learned all of this in a hard way, my first disillusion was at 8 years old when I found out my father had a drug addiction which in fact affect the whole family, while I see my family falling apart in pieces, I decide I would find the perfect man for me, so I start my search for the perfect guy who will become my husband, as almost every girl does, marriage was my goal of life, to prove myself I could do better than my parents did, but when you want something so bad you tend to force things to reach your goal.

My mom found her way out of the familiar drama joying a religion, and as the youngest child I was her company all the time, so I met more people in that community. I also met who would be my first heartbroken his names was Logan, a total jerk in disguise he was 17 by that time, he promises the world and I was a child, I was 13 years old, my hormones dominate my body and the lack of common sense was 100% full on my mind.