This isn't a suicide note...
This isn't a suicide note
Trust me when I say it's not
No I haven't had the courage yet to say that this is one
And I haven't had the courage to say this is one because I've never swallowed the pills, I've never taken the blade across my skin (remember down the river not across the stream), and I've never jumped from the window
The reason why I haven't done these things
Well I don't know to be honest
Maybe I don't want to deal with the pain
Maybe I don't want to leave a mess behind
Maybe I don't have the time
Between school, babysitting, and drama of life it's self I just don't have the time
It's ridiculous when you think about it
How can a person not have the time to kill them selfs
To end the misery
To end the pain
To end the living hell of life itself
Maybe these are all excuses
Which they probably are
But you see the excuses keep me alive
But one day I'm going to run out of excuses
One day I will swallow the pain pills, I will slide the smooth blade across my skin remembering to go down and up, I will jump from the window
And on my way down I'll be able to release all the pain
But until then I'll leave the fake smile on my face and pretend like everything is okay, when in fact I know damn sure it's not
I have to stay with this smile
If not people are going to ask questions
Questions like
"Are you okay"
"What's wrong"
"Do you need any help"
And while people ask you these questions you just want to break down in their arms and release all the skeletons out the closet
But you can't
It's not their fault
You don't want to make your problems their problems
So you just smile, sometimes wipe a tear off your face and then you tell them
"Yeah I'm okay, just tired"
Anyways getting back to the point
This isn't a suicide note
No this is far from it
But the when the day comes that I can't keep the smile anymore, the day I swallow the tens of hundred of pills, the day I leave scars on my wrist, the day I open the window to jump
That will be the day this does become a suicide note
And the saddest part of it all is that the person probably reading this, is probably the person that could have stopped you from killing yourself
