Our Final Song

I knew he was there, somewhere beyond my reach, just listening to the sadness leaking from the song I sang. I knew he wouldn't have stood there, just watching me cry and sing the song I loved because it reminded me of us. He wasn't here though, he couldn't console me. He couldn't wrap me in his arms and pull me to his warm chest, telling me he was here with me and he'd never leave me... Because he had. He left me. He was gone...

I cried harder, almost unable to continue singing, as I remembered our last conversation. We were crying as he had to leave for his next deployment. It was the last time he held me in his strong arms, the last time I heard his heartbeat right next to my ear, the last time I ever heard him whisper in my ear how much he loved and would miss me... It was the last time I kissed him goodbye and showed a smile as I said I loved him as he walked away onto the plane...

Just like that, I lost him. He was gone. My one and only, the man who made me laugh and smile like we were teens again. He was gone forever.

I finally couldn't sing anymore and collapsed on the floor, unable to stop my tears from falling. One of the people closest to me rushed over and tried to console me as a rush of applause was heard as everyone seemed to be crying with me as they stood. Many were yelling how proud my fiance would have been and how much he'd have loved to be here to see me now. It made me cry harder because I knew he'd always supported me, just as I did him, and he wouldn't have missed this if he were here...

One of the judges walked up to me and kneeled beside me, hugging me and saying softly how proud my fiance would have been to have heard me sing that for him. She was crying as she said it was a very heartfelt performance, even if I had broken down as the song came to a close. The other judges came and had tears running down their cheeks as well, praising me and my fiance for how strong we were and how they could feel my love for him in my singing. If I wasn't crying already because I was sad, I'd have been very happy. I stood up and thanked them as I calmed down, expressing I had only wanted to finally fulfill my last promise to him as a tribute, and prove I could do anything with him by my side. I had sang our song, the song that made me think of us, on live TV and in front of hundreds of people. Just to finally show I was as strong as he wanted me to be, and I used it as the last chance I would pay tribute to him with our song.

As I heard the judges talking about how I moved everyone with the song and my voice, I walked away to get off the stage and go home. I never wanted to move forward in the show or compete at all, and I had made that clear when I had asked to have the chance to sing for my beloved fiance. He had always told me to try to get on and sing, because I loved to sing and he had always loved to listen to me, even though I was extremely shy and embarrassed when he did. He made me promise before he left that I would try to get on stage and sing, just once, to prove I was able to get over my fear with him by my side.

'I did it. I did as I promised, and I hope you heard me because I sang for you, my love...' I silently cried as I walked slowly down the street, hoping he had somehow heard me sing for him and he was crying with me.

I whispered softly to myself as I looked at the stars we had admired together so many months ago... "You got there before I did, just wait and see, I'll meet you when I get done here. I don't know how long I'll be, but I'll always love you... I hope you'll still love me.." I smiled as I walked down the road, tears slowly falling as I thought of all the smiles I had seen in the crowd, all for him and sang the last part of the song one last time. "I'll meet you when I'm through.. Love, me..."