ACT ONE
ALEXANDER HAMILTON
Bastard orphan gets tossed into the water and then the Black Pearl and the Flying Dutchman pass by, and he gets a job at a trading thing but then like a tornado comes and kills everyone but him. Then he writes and gets a job and sails to AMERICA but his ship catches on fire.
AARON BURR SIR
19 year old kid comes and annoys the literal hell out of a professional who tells him to shut the fuck up. He also meets three drunk revolutionaries who then say who tf are you
MY SHOT
He sings a 5 minute long song about how america is problematic and he doesn;t give a shit about people dying.
THE STORY OF TONIGHT
LETS ALL GET DRUNK
SCHUYLER SISTERS
Aaron burr hits on a girl whos clearly out of his league
Basically they all got the hots for hamilton and he's like, hmmmmm yeah I'll take...
All of you ;D
I'm fund trust fund me baby
They all judge him cause he's poor and then they're like, but wait...
He's hot af
FARMER REFUTED
He publicly insults a brit, takes away their crumpets, disses the queen and burns down their pubs.
If you don't know how to insult a brit, now you know mr. president
YOU'LL BE BACK
Kristoff hits on America
RIGHT HAND MAN
Burr applies for a job but is rejected by whashingdad
WINTERS BALL
Burr teaches hamilton how to successfully hit on ladies
"We like females"
"But I'm gay"
"Goddammit laurens"
HELPLESS
Angelica tries to teach eliza how to say no to this, Eliza proceeds to ignore her and yell about how helpless she is to a room full of strangers.
SATISFIED
"Welp there goes my love interest-"
THE STORY OF TONIGHT(REPRISE)
LETS GET DRUNK
WAIT FOR IT
Aaron wishes he was hamilton
STAY ALIVE
"I'M A GENERAL! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-"
TEN DUEL COMMANDMENTS
Welcome back to counting with alex, john, charles and aaron
MEET ME INSIDE
Washington disowns Hamilton
THAT WOULD BE ENOUGH
Eliza keeps secrets and Alexander is poor
GUNS AND SHIPS
Dear Alexander, please come back, Lafayette is scary. Also theres a war or something. Washington. (ps bring food)
HISTORY HAS ITS EYES ON YOU
"You sly dog! You got me monologuing!"
YORKTOWN(THE WORLD TURNED UPSIDE DOWN)
"Immigrants- we get the job done! Work hours all day every day til Britain gives up!"
WHAT COMES NEXT?
Kristoff accuses America of having an affair
DEAR THEODOSIA
"Yay children"
LAURENS INTERLUDE
"Dear Alexdre comma I died lol love your boyfriend Jon laurs "
NON STOP
People tell hamilton to stop showing off but he proceeds to wave knowledge in their faces and flounce around yeeting success everywhere and acting like he owns the world,
Which he does. Of course. Meanwhile aaron is trying to regain lost sleep.
ACT 2
WHAT'D I MISS
Madison: hamilton sux
Hamilton: Mr. Jefferson! Alexander Hamilton!
Jefferson: *puts on oogie boogie costume* so YOU'RE the one everybody's talking about!
CABINET BATTLE #1
Hamilton threatens to fuck Jefferson with his shoe and Jefferson tells everyone to "join me in the land of the free."
While simultaneously owning a bunch of slaves.
Hamilton is angry and verbally bitch slaps Jefferson.
TAKE A BREAK
"My name is poet, I am a phillip- I also look like your dead boyfriend wtf dad?"
"Oh shit he found out"
SAY NO TO THIS
Knock Knock
Who's there
Poor life decisions
Well fuck
THE ROOM WHERE IT HAPPENS
Burr doesn't like being excluded from guys night and is convinced they're talking shit about him while plotting world domination behind his back.
SCHUYLER DEFEATED
Alex and burr yell at each other
CABINET BATTLE #2
Jefferson reveals that washington has a dAdDy KiNk and it's basically a rap battle and Hamilton doesnt like the french except for lafayette.
WASHINGTON ON YOUR SIDE
"SOUTHERN MOTHERFUCKING DEMOCRATIC REPUBLICANS-"
ONE LAST TIME
"Shut the fuck up and let me talk Alexander-"
ADAMS ADMINISTRATION
"Siddown john YOU FAT MOTHERFUCKING DEMOCRATIC REPUBLICAN-"
WE KNOW
"Hey Alex! You're a fund embezzling little prick!"
"Oh no you misheard, I just plowed some dudes wife for money."
"Oh-"
HURRICANE
"Well lets publish my affair ha-"
REYNOLDS PAMPHLET
"HEY EVERYONE!!!!! I HAD AN AFFAIR!!!!!!"
BURN
Eliza flips Alexander off
BLOW US ALL AWAY
Phillip successfully schedules a threesome and dies.
STAY ALIVE(REPRISE)
Phillip dies
ITS QUIET UPTOWN
"Well you cheated on me and inadvertently killed phillip but i forgive you-"
THE ELECTION OF 1800
Alexander is peer pressured into voting for jefferson.
Jefferson: "wElL hOT dAmN"
YOUR OBEDIENT SERVANT
"Alex, bitch, fite me-"
"Bring it fucker-"
BEST OF WIVES AND BEST OF WOMEN
"I have a meeting- i might die....love ya!"
THE WORLD WAS WIDE ENOUGH
*bang* "fair enough"
WHO LIVES WHO DIES WHO TELLS YOUR STORY
Hamilton is done with all this girl drama.
"Fuck it, I'm gay now." Says Hamilton
Hamilton and john fuck in heaven-
Thanks to DaughterOfLegends for suggesting this!!
