Cas and the Monkey Save the World

Meta Fiction

Metatron smiled at the sight of Cas bound and cuffed to his chair. He removed his specks and eyed the angel carefully. Castiel was straining against the bonds, trying to break free, but Metatron’s will was stronger than all of his attempts. So he just stayed put, and glared at Metatron with his big blue angry puppy dog eyes, a look that made Metatron laugh softly and remove his specks. “You’re probably wondering what this is all about”, he chuckled, his stupid ugly face widening into a disgusting grin that gives one a truly magnificent view of bits of leftover spinach (or molding fungus?) stuck between his ugly lil teeth. Cas growled (Flinching from the sight of that ugly grin, Metatron’s stench of stupidity probs choking him from the inside, my poor angel), and Metatron laughed again, delighted by the sight of his dispair (I want to shove a cactus down that asshole’s throat). “What makes a story work?”, he rants, and starts walking around the desk slowly and excruciatingly, “who gives the story it’s meaning? Is it the writer…..or you?”, he pauses for a second, looking at an imaginary crowd of people he thinks are patiently listening to him, but who are in fact waiting to kill him in his sleep, before he goes on, circling Cas and talking about stories & shit: “…..but you know, dear Castiel, every story needs a hero to go against its villain. A hero that will kill the evil-doer and save the world from the gruesome fate it’s been condemned to. A role model, someone people look up to. The only one who can save them…”, he paused again, his face centimetres away from Cas’s, “but you, Castiel, aren’t going to be that hero. Not today. It’s my turn now. I’M the one this world needs. I’M going to be their hero, there savior, their new God. I’m the one who’s writing the story, and in my version of it…..You’re the villain.” Cas stared at him loathingly, his beautiful face with those godthey’resoblue eyes twisted into a grimace, and growled again. Metatron sighed exasparatedly and took a step back, throwing his hands in the air *aye aye*(no not like that) “Seriously?”, he said, “that’s all I get for that heartwarming speech? A growl? Don’t you have ANYTHING else to say?” Cas just stared at him with a look full of hatred, and at first Metatron just cast a dismissive glance at him, but then a look of realizastion spread across his face as a lightbulb lit up his mind and he got an idea. He smiled evilly, that smile turned into a chuckle and it just escalated from there, until he was doubled over with laughter. Cas was momentarily confused and made the frowny face, which made Metatron laugh even more (idek where this is going anymore). He straightened up and wiped a tear of laughter from the side of his small pig like evil eyes. “You know, Castiel”, he panted, “what I was PLANNING do was to either kill you or force you to play the role you were set out to play: The villain. But now that I think about it, there’s a much easier and more family friendly, you must understand some viewers of our show are still underaged, way to put an end to this all and get rid of you forever. The puppy-dog eyes, the growling…..why didn’t I think of this before?”, he snickered again and turned to face Cas, who was still wide-eyed and confused and adorable, and he raised his hand in a finger-snapping motion, “good night Castiel, sweet dreams. Go and play the role you were meant to play all along. Let’s go take a howl at that moon (I’m sorry I just had to).” Metatron snapped his fingers and Cas gasped, air being sucked out of his lungs. The room started to turn and a feeling of weight loss washed over him as he frantically tried to break free from the bonds, but without success. Everything was a blurr, and then…..it turned black.

When Cas awoke, he was at an entirely different place. It was dark, and depressing. Then he noticed that the reason it was dark was because his eyes had been closed. Silly Cas. He opened them, and bright happy sunlight burnt his retinas. It hurt at first, but at least it wasn’t depressing. He looked around and tried to take in his surroundings: He was lying on a beautiful meadow full of yellow daffodiles and lots and lots of flowers, much flower, very pretty. He sniffed the air. He smelled the flower. So much flower. Then he looked down at himself and noticed a very crucial detail: He had four legs. And a tail. But the tail wasn’t at the right place. And it was longer. His entire body was covered in soft, golden, beautiful fur, that felt warm but very comfortable in the morning sun. ‘I know what I am”, he thought, ‘Metatron turned me into a dog’. Except he couldn’t quite think straight, because he was thinking in ovals. Like dogs do. Oh crap. Castiel, the angel of the Lord, now a simple Golden Retriever. No, he couldn’t stay like this. He had responsibilities, he had an angel army that was waiting to be led by him, he had his boyfriend Dean who was in serious trouble and needed him, he had the moose who needed his help to comb his moosalicious mane of fabulousness for him…..he couldn’t just leave all of that behind! “No, I’m going to find a way back. I have to return to- Oh look, a squirrel!” The second he caught sense of the squirrel he chased after it, and that was the end of his time as an Angel. He had been kicked out of heaven, rebelled, fell…..but he came to accept his new identity. If he was gonna be a dog, he’d better be the best goddamn dog out there.

Cas spent the next few weeks frolicking among the flowers and chasing bees, nourishing himself from the honey he collected with his bare paws, until one day he heard a distress call from all forest animals, they were telling him that their friend who was just coming to visit them from Namibia had been caught and abducted. His name was Momo the Monkey, and he was in serious trouble. Cas didn’t wait any longer. He took action. He interrogated many animals, people, here and there also an inanimate object or two, until finally he managed to pinpoint the location of the missing monkey. It was a cosmetic factory! Those cruel humans were going to test cosmetics on poor MoMo! Castiel stormed into the factory and startled the workers, his amazing dog powers aka his enormous amount of cuteness was so overwhelming everyone fainted and Cas could save MoMo just in time, but Momo wasn’t entirely intact: The evil scientists had managed to get one thing on him, the most cruelest thing of all: Red lipstick. From now on, MoMo was going to have a permanent red lipstick stain on his mouth, which was sad, but on the bright side, it totally brought out his eyes. Cas and Momo became best buds, and vowed to spend the rest of their lives hunting together, saving other animals from what Momo had had to go through. They were a dynamic duo, and both had good hearts and good intentions and wanted to do something for the greater good. They were the Winchesters of the animal world. And even though Cas was a dog now, and incapable of communicating with humans, he did not entirely give up his old life and friends, no, on the contrary: Two days after Cas had saved Momo and realized that turning into a different species didn’t mean he had to stop doing things for the greater good, Dean and Sam were at the Bunker, looking up lore, planning battle strategies, and they heard a soft bark in front of the door. They looked at each other confusedly, got up, grabbed the guns, took deep breaths and threw the door open- only to see nobody standing in front of them. Then they took a look down, and what they saw surprised them even more: A fully grown Golden Retriever looking up at them expectantly, and an orange colored monkey wearing…lipstick? perched on his shoulder. “What the hell?”, Sam laughed, and Dean tried to shoo them away. But they stayed persistent, and Dean had to admit, he admired their fortitude. “Dude, can we keep em?”, Sam asked exitedly as he bent down to stroke the dog’s fur. Much soft. Dean was prepared to hold an entire speech about how stupid this was and how they had absolutely no time to worry about these kind of things, but something held him back. “Sure, why not”, he grumped, trying not to make a big deal out of it. Sam looked up to him, childlike happiness in his eyes, and laughed again, as the dog raked his paws through his moosalicious mane of fabulousness, which had become quite messy and unruly over the weeks. I wonder why. Dean rolled his eyes and was about to walk away, when he saw the Golden Retriever staring at him intently. Dean lifted an eyebrow and stared back, but the dog didn’t budge. It went on like that for like 1 minute (or idk till camera lense unfocuses) until Dean huffed and turned to Sam. “Is there something about this dog that seems familiar to you? His eyes……do dogs have blue eyes?” Sam looked closer and let out a surprised laugh. “Huh, I guess they do.”

Cas and Momo visited Sam and Dean every night from then on, and whenever they went on missions, they were their helping hands……or should I say paws. But every morning, when Sam and dean woke up and looked around the Bunker, neither Cas nor Momo was to be found. “Don’t even say goodbye, do they”, Dean shook his head dismissively, “they just appear. Out of nowhere. And once, they even brought BEES Sam. They were covered in bees.” Sam nodded in agreement, but he couldn’t stay mad at either one of them. For some reason, they were like his good luck charm. His hair had never looked this good.

What Sam and Dean didn’t know, was that Cas and Momo didn’t just dis-and reappear. They had missions. They wowed their friends, cowed their enemies…..they won every battle because they were so cute and fluffy everybody fainted. And Cas and Momo sure did teach em a lesson, for whenever they woke up, they had a big ugly surprise waiting for them. Momo had painted lipstick all over their unconscious faces and Cas had smeared honey all over them. They had a blast.

Let’s say Metatron does get his wish. He writes the story, he chooses the villain. But if you take a look at Castiel, his so-called villain, who rebelled, got kicked out of heaven, fell, did so many bad things, only to make up for them with good deeds; Can you really say he won?

The End