Same old song.

“Are you sure you’d do this, be?” Mom asked worriedly.

“I’ll be fine, Ma.” I assured her. She hugged me. Damn, I need this. “Good luck, Kath.”

And it was time to let go.

I entered the studio, the way I usually do. The crowd chants, so noisy, I think my eardrums would bleed any time now. “Hi, Tito Boy,” I greeted the old television host. It’s been years but their show doesn’t seem like it would end sooner or later. Good for them, I suppose.

“Kath!” he exclaimed as he scoped me into a tight hug. “You’ve grown too much.” He commented as he broke the hug. “It’s been what? Five years?” he chuckled. “You’re a woman now…” he stopped.

I flashed a smile. I know. I’m not the Kath they used to be with anymore.

“So, let’s continue the show.”  He made me sit in the brown mini-sofa. It’s too comfortable for my liking… I’m not fond of this stuff. “I personally picked the sofa, just so you know. I know you love comfy seats.” Loved. I want to correct him, but who am I? I’m the actress who’s been out of reach since forever ended. And god, I know they know why.

The interview started in an easy way. They asked me questions on my whereabouts. About my studies… and about my friends that I left here in Manila. It was the easiest part. I can answer them without preamble since I have nothing to hide. Or so I thought.

“Here’s another question, Kath,” Tito Boy says, as if he’s warning me that this one’s tougher that the other questions. “What happened?”

I froze. If you’re an audience, it would sound like it was a normal question. But we both know it isn’t. Mom sure knows it’s not. I can feel my eyes burning, tears threatening to fall. “I don’t know,” I answered truthfully. I tried to smile, and it’s a shame. I know I’d look bad. Like some sort of lunatic person seeking happiness by showing off some teeth they used to hide for the long time.

“What do you mean, ‘I don’t know’?” Tito Boy asked, fishing for more answers. Everyone’s paying attention. If you were here, you could hear our heartbeats. I was about to answer but the whole studio was filled with the sound of a fan’s ringtone.

“Message mo kay Kath?” boses ni Tito Boy. Wait. Ito ba yung—“Uh… tandaan mo, lagi lang akong andito sa tabi mo.”

“Sorry!” the fan rushed outside the venue. No one dared to speak. They’re all staring at me and I’m… damn, I don’t know. I looked behind me and I saw Mama Min. I want her to get me out of this shit but I know she wouldn’t. And I proved it when she whispered the words, “let go”.

 

I sighed, “I’m telling the truth.” All heads turned to me, carefully analyzing my words. “I honestly don’t know what happened. I—we—we were happy. We seemed like a perfect couple, minus our mini arguments about petty things.” Again, I tried to smile. “We’re both childish,” I commented. “It was everything—or should I say, it still is. It was the happiest chapter of my life. I thought it won’t end… but what can I say? Of course, chapters do end.” I let out a small laugh, preventing tears to fall. Gosh. I can’t handle this. “Bonifacio came.” And that’s it. They were whispering and it sounded wrong in my ears.