Risk
We went to the nearest fast food house in our school. While walking Damon was holding my hand, inalis niya lamang iyon nang makahanap na kami ng mauupuan.
I'm not used on this kind of treatment. He should be ignoring my existence and continue flirting with his hoes. He's already 22 and he's my senior. He's going to graduate soon while I'm going to enter college in a different school as I promised to mom.
"Sit" he simply said. Matagal na pala akong nakatayo habang siya ay mukhang bagot na sa kinauupuan.
"Sorry, I'm thinking about something" I apologetically said at umupo na.
He ordered a burger, carbonara and a milktea. He knows my favorite? Baka nagkataon lang. He made a bite of his burger then looked at me, that's the sign I should talk right?
"So, I'll say this once and for all. I can't tell you whatever is happening to Andy, ask her instead" I said then took a sip on my milktea.
The way his eyes look at me feels like I'm the only one existing inside this small store. He raises his one brow and made a small smile.
"You really think I asked you here for Andy, huh?" he asked and left a soft chuckle.
"Why did you ask me out, then?" I asked back getting more curious. Pinaglaruan ko ang straw ng aking milktea para mawala ang atensyon sa labi niya. It's oily because of the burger.
"I want us to have a date, Anne" mariin niyang tugon.
"A date?" I asked.
Bakit naman kami magdedate? Are we dating? Am I dating Damon? Kumabog nang mabilis ang aking puso sa kanyang tinuran.
"We're dating? Tayo magdedate? Damon, I'm not here to be your conquest, stop playing with my feelings" seryoso kong sinabi.
I hate the though of me being his 'conquest'. Naiinis ako. Yes, I like him but I will not risk my own reputation and class for his sexual desires. No way.
He looked at me with his serious glare and put his arm on the table.
"You will not be one of my conquest, Anne" tugon niya sa seryosong tono.
I rolled my eyes at him.
"Stop fooling around, Damon. If people see us flirting on the hallway the girls in our school will surely pull my hair off or break my face. Uuwi akong nanghihiram ng mukha sa aso" diretso kong sagot.
"How sure are you?" tanong niya habang unti unting dinadala ang kamay sa akin. Iniwas ko ang kamay ko bago pa niya mahawakan.
"Have you seen how girls praise you like some god in our school? Handa silang mawalan ng kuko para sayo. Tapos makikita nila na ako lang ang kadate mo? Remember Lili, you recent ex? I heard nag-away sila ni Aria nang dahil lang sayo?" I raised my both hands as a sign of declining his 'offer'
"No, no, I'm not gonna date you" finally, I said it.
"I know what am I going to say will not matter to you. Even if you refuse this I'm still gonna date you" sinabi niya iyo na tila wala akong choice.
Tumayo ako, ayoko ng makipagtalo.
"No" I answered then walk away.
"Wait" habol niya.
"Let me walk with you in school. I asked you out so I'm responsible for your safety" we walked together after he said those words.
I'm a pessimist that's why whenever something happened to me that makes me happy I always think sadness will comes next. Am I being evil?
Hawak niya ang kamay ko at pilit kong inaalis iyon but his grip is too tight for me to let go of my hand.
"I always think if you're ready to commit since you're fifteen" out of nowhere, he said it.
I looked at him that made us stop walking.
"Why?" I asked, not finding any words to say.
"I don't like the thought of dating a minor, Anne" natawa ako sa sinabi niya.
"You date a lot of girls already since your fifteen" I saw him date a lot of girls and I envy them.
"I didn't date them, they dated me" mayabang niyang tugon.
I pushed him slightly.
"Ang yabang mo, Damon"
"Well, you liked me since you were twelve" sinabi niya iyon na parang hindi ako dapat mahiya na crush ko siya.
"You knew?" I started walking again, he nodded at me.
"You like it when I play the guitar on our wooden chair during sunsets, you like the sun so much" nagulat ako sa sinabi niya.
"Wow" yun lang ang nasabi ko.
We reached the gate of our school and I finally had the chance to let go of his hand. I may like him a lot but I cannot accept the fact of me getting hurt by the man I like the most. I accepted admiring him from afar.
"Risk with me, Les. Please, risk with me" he pleaded.
"I can't risk it. I don't know if I can manage getting hurt" hindi ko matapos ang gusto kong sabihin.
"... especially by you, Damon" at last I said it.
After saying those words I walked away.
"Ang kapal ng mukha mo, Leslie. Ikaw pa talaga ang nambasted sa kanya e crush mo yon!" galit ko sarili. I'm inside the washroom, I can't be with Andy after seeing his brother. I can't face her now.
"Ah!" sigaw ko habang sinisipa ang trash bin sa loob ng cubicle.
"Girl, shut up!" sigaw pabalik ng babae sa kabilang cubicle, doon ko narealize na public washroom nga pala 'to at nagdesisyon na lumabas nalang.
It's hard to choose whether to risk on something you've been dreaming since then but there's a chance of you getting hurt in the end or ignore it and get hurt now.
I went back in our classroom, preparing myself for I know Andy will bombard me with her questions.
"Where have you been, Leslie?" she blurted out after seeing me going inside our room.
I sat beside her and whisper "washroom"
Hindi sapat na tatlong upuan ang layo niya sakin at inilapit niya ang sarili.
"Before going to washroom, saan ka galing? I've been looking for you. I went in the cafeteria, wala ka. Nasaan ka ba?" madrama niyang tanong.
"Can I tell you this after school?" I asked, not ready for any confrontations right now.
"Is something bad happened to you?" concern nyang tanong.
"Wala. I'm just not ready to tell it now" yun lang ang nasabi ko at dumating na ang susunod naming guro.
Buong tatlong oras ay wala akong ibang inisio kung hindi ang mga sinabi ni Damon sa akin.
Is he serious, though? He looked serious when he said he wants me to risk with him. I crumpled the paper on my table and sort my things. I need to go home early so I could freshen up from all these.
Sabay kaming naglakad ni Andy sa parking lot ng school kung saan naghihintay ang sundo niya habang nakapark naman ang bike ko sa gilid nito.
"You sure you're not going to hop in?" tanong niyang habang yakap ako.
"Nawp, I enjoy riding my bike. I'll watch the sunset first before going into your house" I said.
I saw Damon talking to his friends. From looking at him with his friends, I came back to my senses how far he is from me.
"Bye, Les. See you later"
"Bye"
For the last time, I glance back at him then hop in to my bike. Ready to walk away.
