....but I loved you more

January 15th, 2009 1515 hrs patient no. 0721

"Why? The hell do you mean? You of all people know," he rolled his eyes. Tried to focus on anything but Dr. White. This proved near impossible, the room was plain. White aggressively embraced him. The only outlet was Dr. White, with her she brought the existence of the world around them.

Above him the fluorescent lights buzzed and shone at an uncomfortable brightness causing his eyes to strain. Tyrus gripped the chair out of anger. He did not need to be here and frankly this was excessive. The white scrubs, the paper slippers that allowed the white tiles to freeze his feet. Even the air in here tasted wrong. Like hospital air, heavily sanitized and thick. Dr. White called to him again. He focused on her shoes, sensible black kitten heels, the ones heavier set women wear. The only thing about her that pleased him was the crisp fresh air clinging to her boddess; the grass had just been cut. His favorite scent. "Fuck woman. Alright, my mom put me here after she thinks I had a psychotic break." She wrote, still in denial. The sound of the pencil scraping against the paper made the nerves in his spine clench, like someone gave it a good yank. Son of a fuck, I guess today is the day. "Last time you said, you fell in love with your brothers girlfriend. Did you have a relationship with her?" He gave a heavy sigh. A lump caught in his throat thinking about it. His eyes burned holding back the tears and his breath became slow. The angry grip he had on this poor chair let up, his hands sweaty. Words slowly fell out of his mouth, I loved her more. Something about the heaviness of his words caught her attention. For the first time in her career, she began to care.

This little five foot five perfectly brown girl was the downfall of his life. Deep brown eyes surrounded by dark eye circles. Skin was not perfect, she was dark but not evenly toned. Darker patches created beautiful gradients on her skin in a mix match fashion. She still had young adult acne, but just enough for her to appear real. She was like an angel to him, the most beautiful woman he's seen in twenty four years. "We had an arrangement at first. Somehow my brother let me join them for a threesome. It was supposed to be just one time, but quickly it just spiraled out of control." He took a breath, a tear rolled off his strong jaw. "I loved her more," he said again. When he talked to her, he knew she felt free. "I was always with her. I walked her to every class all across campus. She spent time studying in my room. I bought her gifts out of love. I kissed her just because. I was there for her always. My brother was clueless." Joe couldn't do that for her and he wasn't the type to do so. Never did it bother her though, she loved him enough that it wasn't necessary. She picked up the pad again, "Were you happy?" He smiled, of course he was happy. Although,Tyrus needed more. His brother let him in, something he wanted but it wasn't enough. His love for her kept growing and he asked for more things.

Joe ended up allowing Tyrus to freely kiss her whenever, allowed the two to engage in sexual acts without him and for either Kalypso or Tyrus to sleep in each others place.

In his mind he knew that Kalypso could not deny that when she was with Tyrus she was happy too. He was just as goofy as her, and loved her unwavering attention twice as much. He would always pick her up in his strong arms for a kiss. Dance with her when there was no music. Hold her when she was mad, and learned her manic episodes down to the science. On many occasions she's told him that he's one of few people that makes her feel heard. And with him it's so easy because she didn't have to teach him about her. He was eager to learn everything about her, down to how her toes are placed in each shoe, for each step. "She never said it but, I fucked her better. If not at least that, I ate her out better too." His mouth watered thinking about how she tasted. So sweet like candy, better than strawberries and cream. He could go down on her at anytime and be just as satisfied even if she didn't give him any service. He wiped his mouth, missing the warmth of her thighs on his face. Missing the way she would tremble when she was close. Or the way she moaned his name. How she dripped down his chin, and how she told him that juices are good for beards. "Is that all you loved about her?" This bitch he rolled his eyes again. Why can't you be in love and appreciate the taste? Why did sex have to be out of the question? People in love have lots of it but it can't be mentioned. "It was her eyes," he started softly "the way she looked at me made me feel safe. She loved you, like a mother loves her son. That's how she cares for everyone. Like a mother should." Not to say Ty's mother didn't love him, but Kay's gaze was just as warm and familiar. He knew Kay really cared about him, and wanted the best for him. Took care of him when he was hungover, sick, stressed, sad, anything. She always seemed to know when he needed her and gave one hundred and ten percent to taking care of him; at least that's how he saw it. "It was her skin." As imperfect as it was, it was smoother than anything he felt. Five times better than silk and it was always warm. For hours he'd sit and just run his hand across her. "It was her laugh." So genuine, making her laugh was the equivalent to hearing the angels sing. The more she laughed, the more she smiled and the more she was herself. The stress that clouded her eyes parted, the worry clenched in her jaw dissipated; in that moment she was a free woman. He was her liberator. "It was her voice." Hers could calm a storm, diffuse foreign tensions and silence an inconsolable baby.

Monster, that's how he was branded.

Only few nice things can be said about a six foot, two hundred and forty five pound boxer. Not to mention the temper on him. No amount of medicine or therapy could do what her voice did for him. She was the best form of therapy. One word from her could snap him out of the blind rage. She made him human. "I was happy, and it was almost everything. But she loved Joe more." Another tear fell. No matter how much he understood her, how easy it was to talk or just how safe she felt with him after a panic attack, she loved Joe more. For reasons he did not know.

Today Dr. White invited Kalypso to the psych ward. From behind a one way mirror she watched Tyrus recant all their intimacies with a smile graced by a tear. Finally he let out how he felt truly. How he didn't understand her love for Joe. That fight a year ago was not about wanting Joe out of the picture. He did not want to fight Joe. He did not want Joe hospitalized for six months after. He couldn't help but burst into tears after hearing her shriek in horror, or see that his brother was barely breathing. He did not want her to fear him, the look she gave him shook Tyrus to the core. Never will he forget that.

He buried his face between his knees and softly cried, "I loved her more." A soft hand graced his back, and to his surprise he looked right into her perfect eyes. As done one thousand times she slid into his lap to hold him close. Nothing needed to be said, all his cards were on the table. Her eyes showed him forgiveness, and begged him not to be sad. Slowly he ran his hand down and up her thigh, happy today she wore shorts. For a few short minutes time stood still, and he was allowed to have her just one last time.

I did love you.

The words danced out of her mouth with the utmost grace. He smiled at her announcement. Smiled that she sealed her confession with one last kiss. And in that moment, he realized just how lucky he was to share these moments with her. "You're all I ever wanted." he whispered to her, one last time.