Finding Life | Finders Keepers #2 ✔️

27. Panicking

Blythe

To say that I got worried when Dean crushed the cup in his hands was an understatement. I got absolutely afraid of seeing him with blood running down his hand. Thank God that it wasn't deep enough that he needed to be stitched up. However, leaving him afterwards to go on a date with Caleb made me incredibly guilty. There was something inside of me that told me to stay and take care of him.

And there was something inside me that also told me that he's already got Grace for that.

Jesus, the woman can't even think rationally at the sight of blood. Maybe that's just because she's inexperienced with the sight of blood or anything that comes close to violence. There was no doubt that I was jealous about that part. Who wouldn't want to be the most innocent person in the world? Anyone would surely jump on that chance.

When we left, Caleb nudged me and asked if we were fighting. I obviously didn't lie but I just didn't tell him the full story. Just said yes and we ended up talking about how the two of us got injuries from racing. He assumed that the injuries I got weren't from me drinking too much and since it makes more sense that it came from racing, I didn't correct him.

Sal was frowning when we got there but the frown disappears and out comes his smile when he sees me. "Well, if it isn't for Blythe Juniper."

"Hi, Sal." I wave.

His eyes move towards Caleb and he presses his lips into a thin line, nodding at us. "Out on a date with Caleb, here?"

Instinctively, our gazes meet one another before I turn back to Sal. "We'll just take up a booth, Sal. Can I just get some steak and mashed potatoes?"

"Same with me," Caleb tells him, the two of us move towards the firs booth we see and sit across from one another. He leans in with his brows furrowing at me. "I thought you were going for cheeseburger?"

Right. That. I had only said it just to hurt Dean. I don't even know why I did it. Never in my life have I been petty like that. It's just seeing him moving on well with Grace and not being able to talk about it was a constant headache and it made me turn into some kind of person who wanted to get back at him somehow.

I was never really going to get a cheeseburger. It was our thing. We made a promise and no matter what, I still am good in keeping my word. Angry or not.

Shrugging, I put my elbow on the table and lean my head on my head. "Changed my mind. I'm really hungry after beating your ass." He laughs, placing a smile on my face. "So, is this my treat since, you know, I did win the money."

He shakes his head. "Maybe next time."

"Who says there will be a next time?" I tease.

"A guess," he shrugs, his dark brown eyes shining at me. "Can I confess that I kind of regret being here?" I'm about to ask when he continues. "I don't know. I kind of want to see how you are when it comes to places where you're Freddie and not Blythe."

"Well, um, Freddie and Blythe are the same people." He gives me a 'duh' look and I snicker. "Okay, okay. Honestly, Blythe is just Freddie for purposes of not getting recognized. It is an illegal bike racing so phones aren't allowed but names still travel fast in that world. Back when I was still in high school, I just go as Blythe because I really didn't care."

That was when I was still sure that I'm safe.

He nods. "I get it. I mean, you are talking to someone who uses Ringo as their alias."

"Does that mean that you're a fan of The Beatles?"

And for the rest of the evening, it consisted of our preference of music, hobbies, and other small talk stuff that people usually do when they want to get to know someone. I do still hate small talk but somehow that kind of thing when it came to Caleb, it felt like a normal conversation with a friend. Not like how Dean and I used to talk but it was still nice.

To be honest, I was glad for the company because he managed to put me off on thinking about Dean for a while. There will be little things that will remind me of him and Caleb will seem to just strike up another topic that we'll dive deep into and I'll be distracted again. It didn't feel right to see him as a distraction but I wasn't really going to lie and say that it didn't make me feel grateful. Because it did.

Yes, I'm a horrible human being. I know.

It shouldn't come as a surprise that when we finished eating and Caleb wanted to walk me to my apartment, I asked if he wanted to come in and spend the night which he accepted happily.

Relief washed over when I found no sign of Dean and Grace. Then, there was a temporary panic in my head going on but it died the second I checked my phone and saw Nickson's text.

Dean w/ the girl's dorm.

I felt pain in my heart reading that. I knew that they were doing something else other than sleeping. Shaking my head I scroll down on my notifications to see more, there was a text from Antonio. It came about thirty-five minutes ago.

Castillo said you're on a date. Call me tomorrow morning. Don't bother calling tonight. Have a good time.

Good time. Yeah, I'm specifically planning on it.

After I put my phone on silent and back in my purse, I pull Caleb into my room and the second I shut the door, he attacks me with his lips. One thing made it in my head as he continued to kiss me, he was definitely a good kisser drunk or not.

He grabs my ass, the two of us walking backwards to the bed. He pushes me down and lifts up his shirt to reveal his six pack. Damn, the man looked good enough for me to eat.

And eat I did. He did too.

Sex with Caleb made me release every bit of tension that I had in my body. It was nice and he obviously came, a success to his pleasure and I, well, didn't. Though it was good, it felt like all those one-night stands I had back at high school parties with the jocks. He felt like a one-night stand. One where I would bolt the next day while they were sleeping.

Obviously, I can't do that. Because I invited him in my apartment.

We made it into two rounds before he got tired and slept while trying to cuddle with me. It felt uncomfortable. I was so used to being alone in bed or running out after the act of sex that I just didn't reciprocate in wrapping my arms around him. Not only for that reason, most of it was just because of Dean.

It's always because of Dean.

Laying there, watching Caleb sleep, I didn't feel anything. I couldn't. And I was already fuming inside from how I can't even enjoy sex anymore without thinking of him afterwards, how I felt like the date with Caleb was just friends talking over simple stuff, and how I can't seem to keep him out of my head. That's when realization dawned on me that my world was now revolving around Dean.

I don't know when the hell it started. All I know is that I'm fucked. Figuratively.

Is this what Grace feels like when she's panicking—heart all over the place, scatter brain, and shaky hands and legs? Is this it?

If this is it, can Dean just take whatever hold he has on me?

I can't afford to be destroyed by him.

I think I might not survive. Not, I think. I know.