Wolfstar||✔️

Ten- Remus

"You ok?" Asks Sirius as James and Lily go up to their dormitories. I nod although that's not completely true "yeah why?" I ask, Sirius shrugs, playing with my hair

"You just seem...distant" replies Sirius, I sigh "do you ever just...think about what happens after this?" I ask, Sirius frowns at me and stops playing with my hair "what do you mean? After what?" Asks Sirius, confusion tainting his voice "after Hogwarts" I reply

"I dunno, I've never really thought about it to tell you the truth, why?" Asks Sirius "well, I mean, we can't keep this a secret forever" I reply, Sirius tenses slightly and I feel like I'm treading on thin ice "I mean are you suggesting we come clean..now?" Asks Sirius, i shake my head "not now not exactly but I just...I mean we should some time soon because as much as the secrecy is cool and exhilarating I want to be able to kiss you whenever I want. I want to hold your hand as we walk down the hall, I want to say 'I love you' simply because I do, I want a relationship Sirius not a secret" I reply

"Remus, if we tell people that means we're outing ourselves. That might not be an issue for you because you don't label yourself as anything but I'm gay, Remus, well and truly, one hundred percent rainbow and not many people seem to like that I mean I get borderline homophobic comments from Snape on the daily and you expect me to just out myself?" Says Sirius "is that sort of saying you're ashamed to be with me?" I ask

"That's not what I'm saying at all, Remus, I'm scared of showing who I am because who I am isn't what everyone wants me to be, Remus" replies Sirius, I sigh and shrug "you can't be closeted for the rest of your life, Sirius" I state, Sirius scoffs and shakes his head "I bloody well can" says Sirius "what so we have to keep this secret forever?" I ask

"I said I can I never said I was actually going to, where has this even come from?" Asks Sirius, I shrug "we have to think ahead, Sirius, because one day we're gonna make a mistake one of us will do something or let it slip and it'll be out in the open. Wouldn't you rather we tell people when we're ready than it accidentally getting out" I reply

"That's the key word, Remus, ready. When we're ready. You might be ready but I'm not. Not right now. Look give it a while and we'll see. I just- Remus you don't know what it's like for me" says Sirius "then help me understand" I say

Sirius runs his fingers through his black curly locks "for years I refused to accept who I was. I struggled with internalized homophobia for years and that had a detrimental effect on my mental health and I don't want to feel that from other people. It was hard enough hearing homophobic comments inside my head I don't want to hear them come out of people's mouths. I'd love for this relationship to be out in the open but I don't know, Remus. I just don't know ok? I don't think I want that for me or for you, as much as you think you're ok with it you'll get backlash too, people will go around calling you names won't they? They'll be homophobic to you as well because as much as you don't label yourself you are in a homosexual relationship with me. That's gonna get you some homophobia, Remus" says Sirius

I stand there dumbstruck by this newfound information about the man I love in front of me and I suddenly feel a pang of self hatred hit my heart as I realize at lunch how I thought about Tonks. That if I were with her I'd be able to have an open relationship, one that no one would question. How could I do that when I know my heart belongs to Sirius black.

"Sirius, I- I didn't know and I'm sorry. I'm so eager to be able to just show my love and affection for you all the time that I didn't realize the consequences of the whole ordeal. Let's give it time then and see what happens after a while" I say. Sirius smiles softly at me and wraps his arms loosely around my neck, my arms snaking around his waist.

"Let's compromise" says Sirius. I nod for him to carry on "we tell Lily and James just to ease it in, see how they react and well, reel it in bit by bit" continues Sirius "that sounds good" I reply. He smiles and nods

The next morning we sit down at breakfast, Lily and James joining us. "Jams, Lily, Sirius and I have something to tell you" I say, Sirius' eyes almost pop out of his head and he chokes on his toast but I ignore him. This was the compromise we made "go ahead, moony" says James, frowning at Sirius

"We- um- how do I say this? Sirius and I are in a relationship. Like we're together. And we have been. Since the second week of term" I say, James and Lily's mouths both drop open wide and I suddenly feel like it was a bad idea telling them at all, I feel Sirius clutch my hand.

"That's...new" says James, confusion written all over his face as he studies us, trying to see whether we're pulling his leg or not "not to sound insensitive, but are you two gay then?" Asks James. Ok then be straight forward with it. "Ow! Lily I'm only asking!" Exclaims James, I smirk knowing lily just kicked him under the table

"I am" says Sirius replying to James' question "I don't like to label myself as anything" I reply. He nods, absorbing the information "great then" says James. Well that went better than expected.

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Hello there my lovelies!

Here's a double update bc I haven't written in a hot minute. This chapter is kinda based off of my struggles with coming to terms with my sexuality and I used that through Sirius to try and express to people struggling in the same way that they aren't the only ones. You're not alone, you're never alone. I'm always here

Anyways thank you for all your love and support I love you all!

Have a beautiful day you wonderful specimens :))

All my love, Blue xxx