Stay Strong: The Diaries of a Cutter. (On Hold!)

~Melissa~

  ~Melissa~

My name is Melissa Olmeda; I’m sixteen years of age. I live in Santa Fe, New Mexico with my Grandparents and my little sister.  And I’m addicted to pain killers.

I got addicted shortly after my mom dropped us off at my Grandparents, she said life would be better there and for the most part it is. But when she comes around she always makes things worse than they need to be. When she comes around she usually needs money or a place to crash, we get along sometimes but not all the time. She just frustrates me to no extent. Last time I saw her or heard from her she had a new boyfriend and she was planning on moving us in with him. I refused to let that happen because every boyfriend before she did this, she told us we were going to move in with him but then she’ll go and break up with him. I don’t want to be homeless. We had to sell our house and that’s when I moved in with my Grandparents.

About three weeks after we moved in with my Grandparents I broke my wrist. My Gran gave me pain killers and they made me feel better than anything. They made my life seem better. I can just be completely chilled out on the couch and nothing will bother me. It was nice because not even my mom’s idiotic ramblings could bother me. It was nice. I don’t do it in front of my little sister, she’s the most important person in my world and if she saw me pill popping I’d feel extremely ashamed of myself. I’d be angry at myself for letting it get that far. My little sister is oblivious to how the world really is. Lucky little girl.

I only used them when my mom was around but when I started school I started using them religiously. One day I was having a bad day and so I went to the bathroom and popped a couple but I accidently took too much and I overdosed at school in the girl’s bathroom. I know I need help and I want it. I’ve tried cutting cold turkey but that didn’t work so now they’re sending me to Maine to get the proper help I need and deserve.