Trigger Warning

The Darkness

So... This is what its like... I didn't expect it to be so dark... I actually don't know what I expected... Death... I've heard about it talked about but never really... Thought much about it... Defiantly not the pearly gates my moms church tried to talk me into... Not the hell my mom said I'd go too either. Just... dark... Maybe this is what I deserve... I was nothing but a burden on my family and friends... My mom made that clear the minute I came out as gay... telling a 6th grader she's disgusting for falling in love... Of course that relationship didn't work out we were so young... she just dated me to see if she was gay anyway. She's married now... 23 with two kids and a husband who beats her... I wonder who's worse off? Man this darkness is kinda annoying... I was expecting something! Not just... Endless black... Maybe I'm not dead yet? My brain stem still alive or something right? This is all my imagination! Or I'm drowning... The water was pretty high maybe the cuts didn't bleed out fast enough... Not even my life flashing before my eyes! Nothing? I wonder if Shelby is home yet... Gods I feel so bad having her find me like this... we've been together 4 years... She deserves better than someone like me. She can find a great girl who isn't a waste of space... I wonder if she'll call my mom... we haven't talked since I turned 18 but I couldn't bring myself to delete her number... She doesn't care anyway... She won't have to send us money anymore... She won't have a disappointment as a child anymore... My brother said she misses me... he's always been a liar... Always lying to mom, blaming me, lying to the cops, his teachers, bosses, even me... I stopped listening to him... Maybe my dad will come to my funeral... He'll probably bring his new wife and daughter too! They can meet Shelby... If Mom lets Shelby come... Shelby will probably cry... but she'll get over it... so what that we've been together since we were 18... I had to do this... before she asked me to marry her... I saw the ring I knew it was coming... She doesn't love me... She'll find someone better... she... She's alone now... Oh gods... I left Shelby... Why... Why would I want to leave her... The way she smiles at me... I love her smile... I'll never see it again... Her laugh... her touch... Just darkness... What am I doing... I don't want this... I don't want this endless darkness...! Get me out! Please I take it back! I- I don't want to die! I wan't to marry Shelby! I- I'll call my mom! I'll do anything! Please don't leave me in this dark! 

A machine beeps softly in a white hospital room. An African American woman sits in a chair, laying her head on the hospital bed. A small pale woman lays on the hospital bed her arms wrapped, wires connected to her arms. The woman's eyelids slowly open as she scans the room, her eyes laying on the darker girls hair.

"Sh... Shelby...?"