Thoughts, But Formal

No.1

Nobody sees what I see
They arent allowed to see what I see
They were not destined for what I am
They are meant to have life
I am a mistake god made
That is how I got here,
Actually making use of my body
My body is now a canvas
My razor is my brush
And the blood running down my arms are my paint.
'More'
I say
I want to keep painting
But cant seem to find the strength
I want to keep painting
But all I see is black
I want to keep painting
But I am numb
I did it
I'm finally ridden of this world

<3

All I see is white
Did my plan not work?
I cant move,
I'm too weak
I'm numb
Theres beeping
I want the line to come already
Who brought me here?
Why would they bring me here?
Didnt you want this?
I remeber one last scream
One
Last
Scream.
I dont know who
Nobody cares,
So who?
'Fat'
They told me
'Die'
They told me
'Starve'
They told me
I complied with the commends
And now I'm punished?

<3

Orange blocks my vision
Where am I again?
Oh yeah
Alive
That's all I need for my day to go sour
I look around
Its white
But something I never noticed before
The other side is black?
Why?
I see me.
My canvas, brush, and paint all in one
It made me smile.
But,
Someone ruined my chance
The constant beeping was faster now
Someone rushed over
I couldnt make out any words
Beep beep beep beep
Why cant it be one long beep already?

<3

I left today
The devil on my shoulder brought his friends
I want to paint again
But no
I'm not aloud to.
Life
The thing I hate most.
Death
The thing I love most
But, what you want
You cant always have
And I mean never
I never wanted 6 devils
I never wanted to live
But here I am.
The voices are louder
They drown out everything else
But I can still hear everything
It's odd
There was a cat down the street
Fighting another
I got drawn to the blood
Sharp
Brush?
That'll never work.

<3

I'm fat as ever
Back at home
With more torment
More voices telling me what I know
The feeling in my stomach was delightful for a while
Until it was constant
Then it was hysterical
I gave in
Hah
I gave in
My stomach tightens its grip on me every day
It's almost suffocating.
Good
Suffocate
I'm in a room
The room is filled with food
Its Thanksgiving
Something faint is telling me to eat
But most of me..
No.
I listen to the most part.
And its correct, right?

<3