Fate (Part III): Life Goes On

Love

"The willing, Destiny guides them. The unwilling, Destiny drags them."
― Seneca

  Love... I can't believe I'm starting my story with this word, it has been the only thing that kept my mind from evolving, my life block, a nuisance to my future, a drawback from my experiences, the flaw in my soul, a deficiency of my manhood, a liability to my real goals in life, a restraint to my daily progress, an obstacle in my thinking process... I would never stop from finding metonyms befitting of  the word "love" in my case. That state of being emotionally weak and open to the other never really helped anyone to advance in anything, especially happiness. Love made me handicapped and disabled mentally, ever since I remember myself in this world I've loved the physical state of everything I see in front of me, maybe I could blame the gift of vision bestowed upon me by God, but even if I close my eyes I still feel it ! The marvelous power of love that makes me feel physically and mentally weak. Love can drive the strongest creature to be the weakest amongst the weak. All this hatred I have for love wouldn't make me talk about it, and here I am writing about it! Well I decided to write this story because my experience with love brought me to this point of regret.

I'm not going to talk about religious thoughts anytime soon, but I'll try to keep this about my logical and Scientific output. There is a life force energy that naturally flows through each one of us. Some call it quantum energy, others call it fate, divinity or highest consciousness, and others call it God. Whatever you choose to label it, each one of us is inherently part of that energy, one with that energy and at the very same time we are channels for that energy to express itself into the world.
The energy moves. By it's very nature energy does not stand still. It flows. Every aspect of life as you know it is part of that flow, including yourself. Imagine it is like a river. You're in that river and you can either swim with the current or against it. Swimming with the flow is allowing your life to unfold naturally and magically. Swimming against the flow, heading back upstream, is blocking your life and pushing against the natural unfolding.

If this is the case, then it goes without saying that we'd all want to know how it is that we allow our life to naturally unfold accordingly with the flow, and we'd also want to be aware of the ways in which we consciously or unconsciously block our life, hence going against the flow.
There is one significant, overarching way in which we block the natural unfolding of our life. That block can be summarized as unwillingness. It is our unwillingness to allow the mysterious and magical unfolding of life. That unwillingness shows up as a need to control life, to control our outcomes, to dictate what happens, how and when it happens, and to grip on with fear of losing the wheel. The unwillingness could also be called attachments—we get attached to our negative ways of being, and attached to controlling everything to fit our expected outcomes, and we rally against anything that does not meet those expectations.
But to some people, they claim that going against the flow firmly with a sense of objective is strength and their intent alone can direct the river whichever way they want.

I'm sure if you were reading attentively so far, you would have guessed as much as to say that I tried so hard and got so far, because I was unwilling to FLOW. I used to think that love isn't a wave, totally disapproving with the quantum theory of the beautiful unification of fundamental entities. I was blindfolded by the feeling love gave me, irrationally thinking that it stops time. I really could have talked for hours just to prove to my mind that love isn't just four letters, but something science couldn't fully grasp. Yes, it does really prove that love is a chemical reaction happening inside the body and mind when a person feels love, but it stops there. I've never really heard any scientist theorizing about love, I used to have my own theory for a matter of fact! How's that for someone with a strong will to go against the flow, HA! (Jokes on me)
There is this American scientist called Andreas Albrecht that says: "Time seems to disappear when you study physics, until you get to relativity."
My theory, then, contradicted with the applied physics and the saying of Mister Andreas: "Time seems to disappear when you love, until you lose relativity"

The mind likes to interrupt the natural unfolding by choosing ideas and opinions that it thinks are best. The mind carries us away from and out of the natural flow. The mind is a powerful tool and one of our greatest gifts as human beings. But it can be powerfully positive or powerfully destructive. Without conscious awareness and direction, the mind will run riot. Actually I was completely consciously aware that all of that ideology wasn't adding up... I just chose to prove that the impossible can be attained through perseverance. I had a strong will since I was a kid. A strong will to go against the flow. I thought I was using my mind, My mind was using me instead.

Would you mind imagining with me the river once more ? Okay, It's slow water, it flows one second at a time just like how people, normal people, take one step at a time towards their inevitable future, and it takes the most suitable terrain to pierce through just like how people take the safest decisions that impact their life. Now If we flip the boat and start going upstream, against the flow, the river's current fights back and the boat of your life turns sideways and blocks the river, and a dam is formed.
The energy cannot flow fluidly through us because of how we are being. Every time we create an expectation and become attached to outcomes, we build the dam a little higher. Our expectations become so ingrained that we don't even realize we have them, and we begin willing life to happen in foreseeable concrete ways and means, according to what our mind believes is best. We place these demands upon life, we judge what is, we judge others and we judge ourselves. We create negative stories about what has happened to us and what is happening now if it does not align to our expectations of how life should be. This is how we block the life force energy from flowing naturally. This is how we cause our own chaos where there would otherwise be a magical and mysterious unfolding in ways of highest benefit to us.

I wouldn't dare lie or hide something regarding my story, that would would be detrimental to my sense of pride, I don't have secrets, never did and never will. My life in Ukraine was full of surprising events, I spent my first year willing to flow, life brought brilliant unexpected outcomes, though it may have been racking and unbearable, I endured life and learned to be more patient, actually looking back to that time, how I see it; I just accepted that I didn't control anything in life, except the fact that I did not care, I had a faint sense of stoicism even though I didn't have grand knowledge concerning that term. But it all started that day, the 9th of septembre of the 2020th year. My friend Amar called me on my phone and told me to have a coffee with him on a nearby Hookah bar, I dressed up with my urban fancy t-shirt and a black jeans. I knew that I wouldn't outclass him, he had this unique type of fashion he wears, usually his cap had roses embroidered on it and an aesthetic set of painted T-shirt and ripped jeans. As soon as I finished dressing up and applying some of cologne on my body, I headed towards the stairs. I turned on the big squared doorway on the fourth floor, and that was the moment my eyes laid eyes on her stopping me indefinitely in the middle of that squared doorway. I had my poker face on, or shall I say a faint meaningless smile! I always had it on in public, it always makes people stare at me confusingly. It's fun to wonder what's going inside people's heads, and it gives me good vibes when I try to read their expectations. But what really mattered that moment, when she just stopped at the middle of the U-shaped staircase , is that one second we spent looking at each other's eyes: My brain stops, my heart stops, my blood ceases to flow. My appendages go weak and cold, and there is a suspension of all space and time as the universe comes into perfect alignment. Sadly, it was disturbed and my theory would have nearly been applied, if only her friends weren't following her screaming and laughing in the staircase loudly, typical of Moroccans. Anyway I get to the corner of the staircase giving them way to pass, she has kept looking at me all the way while I kept my fake smile lowering my head, as if hoping they don't talk to me, just yet. It was after that moment, that I decided to be unwilling to the flow.... This time surely and most forcibly, It's my time! I'm going to make it my time to shine and get her! I never tried being a playboy, but that encounter gave me enough confidence! After all, my illogical theory has been confirmed to hold liability and hope for happiness! Or so I thought....