You jog silently at night, only listening to the periodic screaming that comes from the forest to your right. The trail opens up into a brightly lit abandoned train yard, where Thomas the Train's dead body lies after his many war crimes were discovered in 2013.
"hhhhhssss wahhhh" you hear, coming from inside a cargo carriage.
"what ugly ass baby is crying" you ask yourself in an annoyed whisper, wishing you'd taken the shrek swamp trail instead. You creep around the rusted out trains, collecting small stones just in case.
The "wAHHHHhhssS I sharted my pants" gets louder as you get nearer to the whinny voice and slowly you start to recognize it.
Is that, Bruno Mars? My singer crush? My one truest love! You think, whipping around the corner and screaming into his face.
"WAHHHHGGGG AN UGLY HAG" He screams before turning bloodshot eyes onto you and tearing up again. You fart silently in embarrassment, hoping he doesn't smell it, before blushing a dark blue.
"I'm not a hag," you say, dropping the stones onto his head "i'm a beautiful angel who's your one true love."
"more like the most wart ridden devil" he says, "not even 24 karat magics in the air could save your ugliness." You feel yourself burn with shame but you kind of like it.
"Mock me more, Brunnie~" you scream into his left ear, instantly bursting his eardrum.
"no" he whispers in horror at your disgusting horniness, "horny people have no rights" he yells, making the sign of the cross over his body.
"so then be it!" you holler running away like a pussy anime school girl in bad romances.
"WAIT!!!" he grounds out after you, "will you catch this?" He holds up a small round ball with a pin in it. He'd been clutching it during our entire exchange.
"YES!" I whimper out at his thotfulness, "id catch a grenade for ya, throw my hand on a blade for ya-" I sing off key, catching the grenade and holding it close to my heart, nuzzling it because I know its from Bruno.
"I'd jump in front of a train for ya, ya know id do anything for yaaaaaaa-"
BOOM
