Random Short Stories

The Kidnappers

(A/N) This is a comedy sketch that I did for my school newspaper's Narrative bit. I got inspired by another comedy sketch that I saw its called "The Steal" (Filmed by the one, the only, Mumbo Jumbolio!) But that's about it for the intro. 

See y'all on the other side!

-Keio

"I can't believe that you just got beat up by a girl!" Boss laughed as he watched me fumble for a tissue to stop my nose bleed.

"She was a tough girl!" I spat in defense.

"Yeah. A real tough ten-year-old."

"Twelve" I muttered with a tissue sticking out of my left nostril. "Well, are we going to do this not?"

"Just waiting for you to quit goofing around. This is serious." Boss stated lowering his voice to a whisper. "She's going to walk her dog at exactly 11:25pm, that's when we'll attack."

"Quit whispering. It's 10:30 and were in a locked truck."

"You never know." Boss remarked. "Don't be such a baby." He whacked my arm unusually hard.

"Ow! Quit!" I hit him back until we were in a full-fledged kitty fight, whacking each other in the face until I saw the door across the street open. "She's there!" I whisper-shouted ducking underneath the dashboard of the van. "Why is she early?"

"I dunno?! Why don't you go out there and ask her?"

"Good idea. She needs to wait another half hour." I replied pulling on the car door handle.

"Get back in here! You're such a spoon! Get a brain! And while you're at it, LET'S DO WHAT WE CAME HERE FOR!" Boss spat in frustration.

"Then why'd you tell me to ask her?"

"It's call sarcasm, you idiot!" I rolled my eyes and grabbed the big black bag.

"You want to do the honors?" I asked him trying to be polite.

"Were kidnapping someone; there are no honors. But yes, I would like to do it because I don't trust you to."

"I think you just want the fame." I teased, holding the bag away from his reaching hand.

"Give it to me." Boss said as he snatched the bag out of my hand. I watched from the trunk of the car holding the top open. I heard a whack, a muffled scream, then silence. Boss came around the back holding a limp woman wearing fluffy pajamas. There was a gag tied around her face, and here hands and feet were tied together. Boss grunted as he tossed the body into the trunk. "Let's get moving."

"What about the dog?" I asked. "We can't just leave him." Boss rolled his eyes and sighed.

"If it'll shut you up, go get the dog." I rushed around the area and found the small beagle puppy.

"Come 'ere puppers" I cooed as I picked picked him up and ran him back to the van.

"Hurry up dingbat!" Boss called as I jumped into the passenger's side. Boss hit the pedal to the metal and zipped forward as the many boxes in the back slid around making nerve racking sounds.

"Way to be discrete." I aggressively complimented.

TIME SKIP BROUGHT TO YOU BY CONCORP

I sat across from the lady in the interrogation room. Boss was getting coffee and it was just me and Cat the hostage.

"So. How's your day going?" I said trying to start conversation.

"Can you not talk for five minutes." She snapped.

"Maybe we should kiss to break the tension." I offered.

"Go die in a hole."

Boss burst through the door holding a steaming cup of coffee.

"Did you get me one?" I asked him.

"No, I didn't get you one. Why would I get you one?" Boss replied sitting down.

"Cause' were business partners."

"In what business? Crime?"

"Well yeah." Boss sighed in frustration and sat down next to me. I remember hours practicing good cop-bad cop while she was unconscious; I tried my best not to mess this up. "Tell us what you know, and nothing bad will happen to you."

"I want my lawyer." She said.

"This is a kidnapping. You have no rights." Boss retorted.

"Well then I don't know anything."

"Shoot. Guess you don't. It was nice talking to yo--" I started saying.

"Tell us what you know!" Boss shouted.

"Where am I and why did you kidnap me?!" Cat yelled back.

"How'd you know we kidnapped you." I bewilderedly asked. "Do you have superpowers?"

"No! She has common sense, something that you don't have."

"I can get the police in here in a matter of seconds." She bluffed.

"I'm sure Paw Patrol will really mess us up." Boss sarcastically added.

"Sure. The Georgia Bureau of Investigation will probably go easy on such straightforward criminals. In fact, they are here right as I speak." Boss looked around unbelievingly.

"Agent Catharine McCarthy, GBI." She said flashing her shiny badge. "You are under arrest on harassment, kidnapping and stalking charges. You have the right to remain silent; anything you say can and will be used against you." Boss and I sat in bewilderment as she picked her handcuffs and undid her leg restraints.

"How?" I stuttered.

"Never underestimate the GBI."

Three Months Later

"Has the jury come to a verdict?" Judge Sherwin asked. A man stood up in front of eleven other jurors.

"The jury has found the defense guilty."

"WOAH! WOAH! WOAH!" Boss shouted at them.

"Are you sure you don't want another moment to think about your decision?" I piped up.

"ORDER! ORDER IN THE COURT!" The judge shouted. "Bailiff, take them away."

"I OBJECT! I OBJECT YOUR HONOR!" Boss said pulling against the handcuffs.

"You know," I reflected out loud. "If we just did my idea and stormed the GBI headquarters, this never would've happened."

"Yeah because two of us versus 800 of them is an equal fight."

"See. That's why I'm the brains of this whole thing."