Memoirs of a Broke B*tch

Yes, Girl, Another Dream

This Rona mess—- specifically being back home, is still driving me nuts. Actually, I'm very anxious yet slightly afraid of the idea of being back on campus. I even set a little calendar thingy to count down the days. Right now we're at a few days past two months. Anyway, I figure this happens to everybody, but I typically dream about what I've been thinking about for the last couple days, weeks, etc. So here's the real deal. As morally against feelings as I am, I'm probably not very far away from being a hopeless romantic, okay? There, I said it. Basically, I just came out to y'all, lmfao. I'm!!!! Coming!!!! Out!!! Happy Pride Month, girlies!!!
Anyway, seriously, remember when I was on here whining about wanting partnership and wondering when it would be my turn and whatever? Well, last night I got a lil taste of what it would be like.

So, the way I remember it was I was sitting on a bus. Although I can't be sure what kind of bus it was, considering the seats were those ugly brown leather ones you see on the school bus, I figure that's probably what it was. Anyway, I'm sitting at the window seat, no Erykah. And you know how it is when you are not in the window seat. You're adjusting yourself to also look out of the same window as your seat mate. So, the person next to me was also looking out the window. And out the corner of my eye, I could see her leaning forward. Initially, I paid her no mind. So I go back to looking out the window, minding my business. Anyway, She does the forward leaning thing again, and I finally look at her.

I don't know how to really explain how she looked, because I don't remember exactly, but I do recall her being dark skinned, and her hair being really short, she had a fade. I can't remember exactly what clothes she had on but she was a stud. I'm recalling vague images of faded camouflage, on a long sleeved jacket. Although, I do remember thinking She was in the military, but I don't know what gave that vibe off because it wasn't like she was in uniform. Side note, I do not really be into the masculine queens with fades like that, but some of 'em be OUT here looking foine!! Whew!! Let me tuck my thirst back in. Anyway, I can't really think of who I thought She looked like in the moment, but she was cute or whatever. I can't remember if she had earrings on or anything like that.

So, I finally get a look at her and She gets to talking to me, I guess. I can't remember anything that she said, but at some point in the game, she kept finding reasons to extend her arm behind me. At some point in time, She put her arm around my neck, like she was going for a hug and I grabbed her arm and held it, without even looking at her. I just had a dumb ass grin on my  face, and she laughed too, knowing that I was accepting of whatever it was she was tryna start with me.

In real life, I'm probably not even giving a bitch a second glance, unless she either needed something from me on the normal front, or literally said  "I'm tryna get with you". In that case, I'd just be nervous. It wouldn't be any random ass touching and shit. Dream me is a bird. Shame.

Okay so, the next thing I remember is arriving at the school, but it's night time. I don't know how much time has passed at this point, so we could've gotten to the school that night (doubtful) or we had been together for at least some length of time and rode down to the school together. So, anyway, we're in the middle of the street across the the dorm with all my shit. I was talking to her and all that and was happy and feeling really happy feelings. You know, fun times. I think we were talking with other people, but anyway we end up inside. I remember trying to navigate the building because I couldn't remember how to get to where I needed to. It was familiar because I do that shit in real life, lmao. But anyway, in dream world, I'm there with the bae. Never heard her name, never heard her call mine. I remember getting ready to call her name but I froze up and just didn't lmao. I don't know if there was hesitation cuz I ain't know her name, but I remember that feeling of confusion very clearly lmao. So, I've been calling her She, with a capital S, throughout this story. Anyway, I knew what floor I was on, and went ahead with all my stuff to that floor. I get to the door, and I remember saying "oh, dang, I gotta go get the key." and so boom I go towards the elevator. And She was also on her way to the elevator with me, and we get down to the first floor. I'm gonna assume I got my key or whatever, but we head back to the elevator, presumably to get back to my room. I remember thinking of how I hadn't seen my stuff and was anxious to see if my stuff was where I thought I had left it. I remember it being a little crowded near the elevator, and I had got on while others were getting off. Well, She had waited until everyone had gotten off. Anyway, the elevator is starting to close, so I go to press the button to keep it open, but it closed and started to move up. And I was trying to make my way back to her, of course, by beginning to go to the floor she was on, but the magical feeling I had, had dissipated immediately. I think then I had questioned if She was somebody I had made up in my head lmfao. And then I woke up in real life. I can't really decide if it was a sad dream or a good one, but it was fun to experience that feeling of being with somebody, even if it was only for a few minutes or hours, or however long the dream actually spanned. So while I was a little sad that it was only a dream, it kept me in good spirits throughout most of the day, 'cause I kept telling myself I'd experience it again. I will experience being with somebody in a partnership on that level. I'm grateful that I haven't been in an outwardly negative romantic situation that had ended on a bad note, or resulted in my death. In the rare case that I find myself sad over the lack of partnership (lmao I sound as old as I feel), I just feel glad that I'm even still in this bitch, you know? Chile, I've been thinking of the fact that we're only here in this specific body for a certain amount of time lately, so I try not to get all depressed about stuff. I don't know, I'm trying to get my life together, and that's with or without anybody on my arm, periodddd 😂. These past couple years I've been putting in work towards my education and eventual career. And bitch, what will be, will be. Period.

Anyway, I'ma stop telling all my damn business. Bye!! ❤️