Off Guard

Chapter 1

I slowly raised my head when someone decided to annihilate the serenity that I was relishing awhile ago by slowly poking my head. Man! This mammal sure wants to halt its existence. No matter how much I want to smash its head, I just stared blankly at the annoying creature in front of me as I slightly removed the headphone to hear what nonsense he might say. I raised my eyebrows that says What do you want.

He gave me a slight smile and uttered "Rene, paturo hehe."  What the heck.

The urge to reply harsh words keeps on bothering me. I wanna say No. Get lost. But I don't have the guts to say so. Instead, I grabbed the laptop that he's holding to see what the heck I can do. Oh, research paper. I started to play the keyboards with my fingers, not bothering to say any word. I think I should just edit this a little but there's no way I would teach this creature. It's not that I don't want to teach him but I'm just too lazy to talk. I couldn't waste my saliva. Our teacher is open to explain things anyway.

I am not really in the mood to disturb my mind today but no matter how much I want to decline, I couldn't. I am not trying to be fake but I just can't resist helping. To be precise, it seems like my head is a bitch but my heart is just too soft. My heart has nothing to do with my emotions though but whatever. It's the best way to convey the fact that my limbic system does not cooperate with what I want to do.

I gave him the laptop as soon as I was done doing some editing. I returned my headphone back to my ear and pressed the resume button. Twenty One Pilot's Heathens. Nice. I tapped the armchair with my fingers to go along with the beat. My my. I know I can't sleep anymore. I scanned the surroundings to see what's up but nothing's new. A group of girls are chitchatting in the corner, some are doing their hair while some are sleeping. I can also see a few boys playing mobile games while others are also listening to music. A couple doing cheesy things and a bunch of idiots running along the four corners of the room with their big mouth wide open. The gals and guys whom eyes are fixed on the phone are also present but I would want to kiss their butt for not contributing to noise pollution.

The teacher is out, obviously. This is nice though. I don't feel like studying today. Oh wait. I'm always not in the mood to study. I feel nothing at all. I'm not bored but also not enjoying, ain't sad nor happy. Just living life, feeling neutral. Damn, I am empty-- I mean, not literally empty because I still have blood and other organs but it's just... I feel nothing. Nothing excites me at all. Have nothing to look forward to or something that makes me enthusiastic and makes my heart beats fast (Well, unless my PE teacher makes us run and dance). Sometimes I think that maybe because I don't have much money but Nah. I think I have enough to waste but can still survive for the rest of my life. If I die this Saturday lol.

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I directly headed home as soon as my classes ended. I throw myself into the bed after undressing, leaving my underwear. It makes me more comfortable. My most awaiting moment.

I lay in comfort then grabbed my phone to scroll in social media. Facebook is still full of a bunch of idiots and jejemons. Got nothing to do but to switch from different social media apps to another. Hour passed when I decided to wear my clothes and watch tv in the living room. Oh well, I don't want to sleep because it makes me wide awake until midnight thus making me wake up late.

I turned the tv on only to see another corny scenario.

"I can't live without you. Please... Don't leave me." The girl in the movie said between her sobs to the man who is surely the sole responsible for making her overacting. Pathetic. She has been born and lived even before they have met. That just doesn't make sense.

"We're not meant to be." Ugh. Another illogical reason. There's no such thing as destiny exists. People only say such if they don't want their lover anymore. If they fell out of love or just merely got tired. Human tends to sugarcoat awful things to avoid being blunt. They use euphemisms and it irks me. I'd rather be hurt with the truth than fool me with the lies. I can't believe that people actually choose to commit sin to compensate for another sin. What a bunch of fools.

"Oh please! Loving you is inevitable! I.. I rea--" I couldn't take this corny scene anymore. I browse the channels to find something interesting to no avail. I turned the television off then throw the remote into the sofa. I'm not really fun of dramas. And romance.

Loving you is inevitable. Inevitable? I don't have much knowledge about love but base on my observation, people have the power to choose the person they want to like. Come to think of it, we became attracted to the person because of their looks. It is up to us if we would push our feelings deeper.

It is evident that people treasures love though. I want to understand why my classmates and friends and fellow teens go crazy over love. They became excited and pathetic when hurt. Their giggles, the wide grin that plastered in their faces, and the tears that fall from their eyes caused by the misery that their lover bestowed unto them. I want to understand it all.

And maybe... The only way to comprehend how that thing works is to dive into it. Is it possible for me to enter in a relationship? Gah gah gah! The mere thought makes me wanna puke!

But maybe... Nah. I shrugged the thought in my head as I head back to my room.