She's Back

I pull in to the parking lot that I have been to a thousand time. This time it feels a little less familiar. It is the middle of June in Charlotte, North Carolina, so the heat is borderline unbearable. As the sun beats down on my dash, the heat rises in my body and my ears are burning, I feel as if I am about to make a drastic mistake, but it needs to happen so I can feel better. As I drive around and around looking for the perfect spot, I find one fifteen minutes later that is in the shade and far enough from the ball fields that a fly ball can't hit my car and cause my day to become more stressful. You would think after a 5 hour drive of thinking, I would be prepared as soon as I arrived, but the fear has taken over and I am frozen in the Carolina heat, paralyzed and unable to move from my seat.

It has been a year since I have seen you, since we have spoken words to each other. One year since you told me that you needed time to your self. One year since I packed my entire life up and moved back home to Virginia. One year since I left the love of my life and my perfect pup in the rearview mirror. 365 days have passed and you are still the only person in my dreams, the only one I want to have a future with. You have moved on from what social media shows, but I don't think anyone can compare to the love and passion we held for each other. I am back, I have grown, I have worked on myself and I am back. I am back to stake my claim, to get back the man that I cannot seem to get over, to show you just how much you've missed.

Thirty minutes have passed since I have pulled in the parking lot and it is time to make an appearance. As I step out of my car, your voice is the first thing I hear, followed by the crack of a bat. Watching you coach baseball has always been one of my favorite things about you, the way you relate with the kids and the passion for the game that leaks out of you when you are in that dugout, it is one of the most attractive things about you. I slowly follow the sound of your voice until I am standing behind the stands at your field. I have my ball cap and sunglasses on to hide my identity from all the moms that I have bonded with over the two years of endless games and summers.

I am staring into oblivion and scared of my decision, the sound of a dog snaps me back in to reality. I look over and my Hank is drooling and wagging his tail at me, he still remembers me and my heart is beaming with joy. I begin to walk over to him when I see that your new girlfriend is hushing him because his bark is so intimidating, which makes me proud, but also upset that he's being hushed for loving me and remembering his mama.

I look up at her and analyze, she's pretty, but in the fake way. She definitely has the Barbie complex that you have always been drawn to. Too skinny, fake blonde hair, enough makeup to cover Africa and legs for days. She is sitting there wearing way too much perfume for the ball park and has her hair perfectly curled like she's trying to impress someone. It makes me sick to think you can be attracted to someone that is so fake and tries so hard to sit in the heat and watch 12 year old's play baseball.

I hide my face and look down at Hank as she speaks to me for the first time, I am not quite sure what to do, but I am just enjoying the time spent loving on my pup that I have missed more than anything. She comments on how well behaved he is with me and apologizes for the excess of kisses, she explains to me that he doesn't normally act this way with strangers and goes on with apologies. Little does she know, I am far from a stranger and my presence here can single-handedly wreck her world if I get my way in the end. I try to avoid any attention from the dugout and realize that I need to move away from the beloved girlfriend unless I want to cause a scene. I kiss Hank goodbye and whisper in his ear that I will see him soon.

As I stand up and thank her for the puppy love, I give a slight smile and make my way over towards the moms. I set my sights on my favorite mom and the Head Coach's wife, Jennifer. As I sneak up behind her, she turns quickly and grins and embraces me into a hug, then suddenly her face drops and asks me what I am doing there. I tell her my story of the last year and hope she understands that love has no limits and I am here to get my life back. I knew that standing there amongst the moms, especially Jen would catch the attention of her husband, Barry, and a I was right. He texted her asking who I was and I could hear him talking to my ex, in the dugout about the blonde bombshell standing with the moms. I looked familiar, but he couldn't quite put his finger on who I was.

His eyes, intrigued, looked over at me and they were locked on me, he knew immediately who I was. In this moment, I stood paralyzed again as was he, it was the first time in so long that his big brown eyes looked at me, and they still had the shine I had remembered so well. I reached for my sunglasses and lowered them so he could see my emerald green eyes looking back at him, I flash a grin and turn away.

Moments later, I notice his girlfriend making her way with Hank back to the truck and I watched it leave the ball park. Inside, I was gleaming, but also anxiety was taking over my body. The thoughts running wild in my head, What would I say? How would he react? Was he even going to talk to me? Did he ask her to leave? Does she know who I am? Where will all of this lead? Did I make a mistake? Jen sees the turmoil and also noticed the missing girlfriend, she puts her hand on my thigh and gives it a squeeze. She tells me that everything will work out how its supposed to and that a love like ours never truly ends.

The last pitch is thrown and the kids have all gathered their bat bags and their after-game snacks. The sun has set and the Carolina heat is a little more bearable, the commotion of dinner plans and shower schedules surround me, but all I see is you. By this time, I have taken my hat and sunglasses off, I stand there with my blonde hair draped over my shoulders and gazed look on my face. He is talking with some parents as he always does, I just stand there patiently, like I always have, waiting on my man. As he shakes their hand goodbye, he makes his way towards me with his face puzzled and I can see his wheels turning. Every step he takes, my body tenses up more and more, the time has come that he is standing in front of me. I look up from my feet to see his face, those beautiful brown eyes, his thick, dark hair with curls peeking from under his hat, the smile that I long for is missing, but I remember it vividly.

"You're back?" the words pierce my soul, there is pain in his voice, hurt, longing, yearning, all the emotions I have been feeling for an entire year are present in his voice. My reply is short, simple, yet effective. "I'm back"

He pulls me in and kisses me like he has so many times, this time is no different. I feel it in my throat, down my spine and down to each and every toe. Sparks seep in to every inch of my body and I feel like I am floating. He doesn't pull away for what seems to be an hour, but when he does, his smile is there.

"I missed you"

The three words I have wanted to hear for so long have been said. I missed him too. I am home.