He doesn't look at me
Not when I look at him walk passed me for the 44th time
Not when my eyes are wide and pleading
Boring into the back of his skull
I look away
Pain is all I feel
I wonder what it's liked for other people
To love
And to be completely crazy for someone who doesn't have enough patience in their day
Enough space in their thoughts
A vacancy in their hearts
A someone
So special
So unique
So unnaturally intriguing
I'm not a good enough someone
For this kind of someone
So my heart jolts
And chokes
And suffocates
And it hurts
As he passes me for the 81st time
And as I'm counting
All the almost encounters
I catch his gaze
His blank, almost cold gaze
A gaze of almost no feeling
Almost
And I wonder
Why he chose this 81st time
As opposed to the past 80 times
Were my begging eyes too much to bare
Could he feel them
Constantly watching
And waiting
And when he walks away
I breathe a sigh of relief
For the 82nd time he will walk by
Will he a fresh start
Another chance
To look upon his almost indifferent gaze
But when he comes by
82nd
83rd
84th
I almost look
But I stop myself
Because I can feel his gaze
Almost meeting my eyes
As I almost look up
And I swear
That he could have almost fallen in love
Almost
