All My Fault

1

I run and run through the dark night, adrenaline coursing through my veins. Voices fill my head,  hateful and accusatory. I see the shadows around me moving, closing in on me. Paranoia takes over and I collapse onto the pavement. Tears are streaming down my cheeks, my breathing is shallow and I feel like I'm being choked.My hands enclose my throat as I try to breathe through my mouth, but I can't. Stomach churning, I bend forward, retching out the fluids building up inside. I feel like I'm dying. Maybe I am. Is this karma?

Is this how it feels when you're close to death? Feeling as if everything is crumbling around you, pain paralyzing your body. Is this how Anna felt, protecting my secret? My secret! She knew the price would be her life, but she didn't tell. Even when a gun was pressed to her temple, she didn't betray me.

I scream. I scream and howl in the empty, frosty night. Chills run up my spine as I realize, Anna is dead. She's gone forever, and it's ALL MY FAULT. Why am I such a selfish bitch? I can't even handle my own problems.
I  hiccup. With tear stained cheeks, red puffy eyes and an extremely overwhelmed mind, I make a decision. I will go and attend the funeral. My needs don't matter right now. I have to do this for Anna, it's..... it's the least I can do.

As I stand up, I am hit by a wave of dizziness. I try to steady myself but I can't. I suppose this is what happens when you continuously skip meals and then decide to run through your whole town. I try to walk towards my house, only to trip and crash into the ground. I am in so much pain. My whole body feels like it is on fire, my muscles ached, as I struggle to stand up. I am hit by a wave of nausea. Everything around me was blurry and I feel darkness taking over as a soft voice spoke, "It's not your fault Hayley. None of this is."