The party was buzzing as usual and the same crowd seemed to flood the room. Girls dressed with small tops and shorts up their asses trying to look sexy. Though the drinks splashing in their hands and their bloodshot eyes made them anything but. Though, without a doubt, the rich boys are right near by to eat up their every move. How pathetic. I flash back to my freshmen year when I was no different. It seems so long ago now. All of it.
Dakota and the not so lovely Sadie walk through the door. I chug the drink in my hand and make a dash for the bar hoping I was not to be seen, and by bar I mean a fold out table with various cheap liquors scattered upon it. Classy, right? I turned to look at a skinny blonde wearing a kappa delta t-shirt staring at me from behind the table with glaring eyes. She asks "what can I get you?", but her look screams "I'd rather be dancing then serving these minors".
I notice Bea and Ally near by and shout over the music "three shots please". Without a word I'm handed the cups and I make my way over to my friends. Handing them each a shot I scream "hears to us bitches" as we swallow the fiery liquid. Cliché I know, but perfect for the moment. It burns my throat, but it feels good. It feels powerful. I go back for more...
Four shots, two vodka cranberries, half of Ally's vodka sprite and a couple of random guys drinks later I'm feeling great. I move to the dance floor grabbing a random guy in a white T-shirt and dark jeans along the way. He had been staring at me for half the party and I decided it was time to make his night. I lean up against him and I can feel his hands instantly on my body, touching me everywhere he so desired. I felt like I was on fire. My eyes floated around the room and landed on Dakota. He looked furious. I pushed up closer to the boy I was dancing with, making Dakota's glare stronger. I was getting lost in the music and then before I knew it I was being dragged off the floor.
"Hey" I whined, "I'm not done dancing".
But even with my protest he continues to drag me away. I yank to release my body from his but his grip is strong and mine too weak for all the drinks I had.
I ran out into the street, stumble a little bit then pick up my pace as I proceed to hide off to the side. I make myself sit on the curb and as my head drops between my legs I can feel all the alcohol. I can see all the birds and stars making their rounds on my head. I stare down at the floor trying to concentrate, trying to sober up so I could get the hell out of there, but before I could manage, Dakota appeared.
"Oh what do you want" I hiss.
"Why'd you run away from me?" He draws near and sits on the curb next to me.
"Where's your little girlfriend?" I say, ignoring his question and attempting to move farther away, but the alcohol in my system doesn't allow me.
"What happened back there Jo? Is there something you want to tell me?" He says waving his hand around in the air.
I follow the lines he makes in the sky and get lost in my drunk thoughts. "Yes, there is something I want to tell you. I still like you Dakota. I think I may even love you." But then I get cut off.
"Well, is there?" He says blatantly. So I push away those thoughts for I'm too stubborn to let him in, not now at least. I can't let him know. So instead I turn it around.
"It would've never worked between us you know that right?" I say low but stern.
"You never even gave us a chance to find out" he says looking at me with those eyes, eyes so sad that I could drown in their soon to be tears. He knew I didn't answer his question but we were on a far more concerning subject now. Though they weren't too different, this was something he needed to hear.
I drew in a breath and began to say words that I would regret. Words that needed to be said to push him away.
"Cause I knew if I did and it didn't go right that it would just break us, we would never be the same but the sad thing is we still aren't the same in this moment. Ever since I told you that I don't want to give us a chance you've been distant and it really sucks because I remember vividly you telling me you never wanted anything to come between us. You never wanted to ruin our friendship, yet here we are. You're over there, I am here and nothing is like it was before. We should've just left our feelings unspoken", I say sobering up from all the words that I let spew from my mouth. They were true, partly, and they hurt.
He looked at me as if I had just broke his heart a second time. Though, both of our eyes held different emotions from the words that we just let out. They were wanting. I wanted him but still I lied.
"What are you so scared of? Are you scared that we actually could have been something good? That we actually may work well together? Or are you just scared of loving me? Cause I know I'm sure as hell not scared of lo-"
He stopped as she appeared. The girl that should've been me had I not been selfish.
"Hey babes, you ready to go?" She says sending a wide smile to the sad boy and myself as she did not know what she just walked in to. I smile back, though with my eyes it is not kindness that follows, but daggers aiming right for her. Does she not know I wonder. Does she not know about us? How could she not?
Dakota looks back at me with eyes longing and a wish that he could have finished what he was about to say. I turn my back and just as they are clear out of my sight tears roll down my face. Everything I had been holding on to was finally being released and I was not just in tears, but now I was letting out loud sobs. People leaving the party stared as they passed by but it was nothing out of the ordinary. It just turned out that it was my turn to play the sad drunk teen that lost her way at the latest college party.
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I wrote this over a year ago, but it's something I've always wanted to finish.
Perhaps posting it on here will make me more willing to work on it.
All the love,
A.J.C.
