Ellen Fraser

Chapter 4

It was my first time leaving Scotland, and I could feel a weight begin to rest on my chest as the ship inched farther away from the shore. Da told me I didn't have to come, that I could stay with Auntie Jenny if I wished. But, something seemed to be calling me across the waves. I couldn't explain it but I felt like I needed to go. Not to mention I had silently sworn to never leave my father's side again. 

My family and I were on the deck as the ship slowly left port and headed for Jamaica. My head still swam with the memory of Ian being taken away by that pirate ship. I got so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn't realized I was fiddling with my necklace as I looked out at the fading land of Scotland. 

"What's that?" Claire asked, moving to stand beside me. 

"Oh. It's a ruby. I normally keep it hidden, but I s'pose my nerves are gettin the better of me" I replied with a chuckle, turning to show Claire the red stone in a simple setting around my neck. 

"It's lovely. Where did you get it?" she asked. 

"Da gave it to me, the day he came back from Arnsmuir. A present, and a promise that he would never leave me again. I've worn it ever since" I quietly explain, before tucking the gemstone back under my dress. 

"There's somethin I've been meaning to ask ye" I mumble looking at Claire. 

"Of course, what is it?" she asks with a smile. 

"Why did ya leave? After you had me at the stones, why dinna you just stay with us?" I asked, turning to face her fully, feeling a lump develop in my throat. 

"Well,... as you know the original plan was for me to leave with you both and go back to my time. Your father insisted on it, because I had a husband back in my time who could take care of me, and since Jamie didn't think he would...survive the battle he told me to go. I thought the plan might change once I had you, but he still insisted. It's safer in the future, and a much better place to raise a baby, let alone a girl" she explains carefully. I can feel my heart start to seize in my chest. 

Before I could reply Da walked over with a smile. 

"Ah, my two beautiful lasses" he praised, opening his arms and pulling us into an awkward hug. I immediately pulled away and turned to face him, heat rushing up my neck and to my cheeks. 

"Did you tell Mama to go? At the stones of Inverness?" I mumble.

He looks at me with wide eyes.

"Because we were just talkin and she told me that you insisted she go" I whisper, my bottom lip starting to tremble. 

"Well...I...aye I did but-"

"All these years you and Auntie Jenny had me believe that my mother up and left. Abandoned us both. But it was you! You told her to go! You forced her out of our lives and into another man's arms. You are the reason I grew up without a mother!" I shouted, pointing my finger at him, feeling the rage start to swell in my chest.

"Wha- No I di-"

"Aye! You did! You told me that she had no choice. You said that she had to leave us when all along it was you who made her leave. I canna believe it, that you would lie to me so and place all the blame on her when it's your fault!" I continued my hands starting to ball into fists as Da looked at me with wide eyes of shock. 

"I never meant-"

"Never meant to what? Lie to me? Hurt me? Because that's exactly what you've done! I dinna even ken who you are anymore. Yer not my Father. My father would never drive my mother away and blame her for it. My father wouldna lie to me so" I spit, quickly turning on my heel and marching down to my cabin, nearly bumping into Fergus and Marslie on my way down.